My Most Influential People of 2013

13) Kobe Bryant: C'mon. You really think that I would leave the Black Mamba off my list?! I've been a die hard Lakers fan since 6 and Kobe shooting air balls in Utah as a rookie! Seeing him go off like he did to WILL THE TERRIBLE LAKER TEAM TO THE PLAYOFFS! And then, it happened. The Achille's rupture. The end never seemed nearer for my favorite player on my favorite team. But his will, once again, got him back to play regardless of prognostics and pundits alike. Yes, he hurt is knee and that may very well be an indicator that he is soon to retire but his spirit, work ethic, and fire is not to be overlooked! Why is Kobe influential? His focus, mind set, and dedication should encourage us to do the same and apply it to our own passion; even if we are written off and discouraged. Kobe keeps fighting for what drives him, and I'll take that lesson for my life and my passion.

12) Nelson Mandela: Nelson has always been a figure of intrigue and admiration. His death and the film on his life catapults him to my list. Why? I have always loved to hear things on Mandela, but the combo of movie and passing makes you think. And analyze. Mandela's unwavering dedication to the cause is a model that EVERYONE SHOULD FOLLOW. You believe in something, don't give up on it. Regardless of political persecution, imprisonment, or broken relationships. One of the things that I admire of Mandela is that he knew when to put the betterment of others before his person opinions. He could have easily continued with violence against the apartheid in his country but he saw something radical that would forever change his country: love. When people realize that in our world that love is all what is need. Love breeds peace, forgiveness, and progress. Mandela, rest in peace, you are extremely influential on this world, especially of a Guatemalan man in LA.

11)My Students going to College: Wow! I could not been more prouder of all the youth I have seen reach the next level! My Dos Pueblos kids include Karen Garcia (UCSB), Miguel Castillo (SFSU), Laurie Recinos (SBCC), Maggie Cabrera (SBCC), Talia (SFSU), Iris Ramirez (SBCC) and others (Sorry! Some names slip my mind! I'm getting old). From Leuzinger I have Allyza (CSUDH) and Tiffany (CSULB) and others! My CLOPpers, I have Alejandra Guzman (UCSC; not the singer), Devin Perkins (SMCC), Alejandra Mendoza (CSUN), Sergio Montes (SDSU), and Lawrence Carcamo (WLAC)!! You guys are ALL INSPIRATIONAL! Your successes motivate me! And they inspire others to do the same! Also to my kids already in college! Michael, Samantha, Jackie, Karla, Kimberly, Eriberto, Luis. To my other CLOPpers, you are meant to succeed! I am always here to help you succeed! I never forget any of you guys! None! Also a shout out to other CLOPpers I keep in touch with! Luis (UCB) and Kevin (NYU Shanghai)!

10) My Little aka Frankie Espinoza: Man, I tell you this every time we talk, but I am damn proud of you! You have kept your balance with your academics, have done extracurricular activities, and have been a great partner for Nina. I know I haven't done my part to keep in touch more but believe that I think of you always. I can't wait to hear more your success! From working to Watts, to your GPA, and other endeavors you embark on! You are very inspirational! Know that! It is something to have some pride but humble yourself and keep working! Also, I want to give a shootout to the rest of my freshman group--yea you guys are still freshmen to me! Tony, Erik, Juan aka Abuelo, Gonzalo, I am proud of you guys, I have a lot of love for you guys! I am here if you guys need anything! I want all of y'all to succeed!!

9) Amabilia Villeda: To the small, loud Guatemalan lady! Ojala que un dia podra leer este simple mensaje. Usted inspira a muchos incluyendo a mi. Su pasión y dedicación para mejorar la educación para su hijo y toda una comunidad es muy impresionante! Siendo líder, usted aprecio en muchas cadenas de noticia y muchos artículos en los periódicos pero usted nunca perdió la humildad. Creeme cuando digo que yo aprecio las baciladas, las risas y su pasión por una generación y comunidad que merece mejor. También a todas las mamas, papas y abuelitos de al 24th Stree Elementary, estoy muy agradecido por haber estado con ustedes. A lo mejor ninguno de ustedes leerá este mensaje, pero ustedes inspira a muchos! Also for the Parent Revolution team at 24th street, thank you for taking me in! Yuri, KB, Cue, and my main man, my Guatemalan homie, Don Hector.

8) Cesar Arambul: My little homie, my little brother. I hope you get to read this too! Here is man that is capacitated to inspire many! Cesar, aint nobody that can write you off! I am very proud of you! I admire your hard work--during high school, ELAC, and at work. I'm glad that we kicked it a few times this year, that brings me great joy! Also, your interest to look for God goes unnoticed. He knows that you are looking for Him, and believe me you'll find Him! You are meant to do great things! Believe that man! You are hope and inspiration to generation and community without many positive role models. You already know this, I got your back always.

7) Llury Garcia: Llury, you made HISTORY! You led a change in Watts! This has never been seen, never been heard of, and has never been experienced! Your leadership is extraordinary! You might not believe that but it is true! If you haven't heard of the Weigand campaign, you better find out and seen what a mom from the community can do! I am glad that I can call you my friend. Thank you for confiding me your story, you are a strong person. Never forget that. What you did, nobody can take that from you! Ana has a great mom! I got your back and never forget, that God has something bigger for you, just look for him!

6) Jessenia: I am so proud of you. That way you have matured in the Lord and the works you have done for him. Gardena will never forget of the children's event you and IBB did. God will always remember that you listened to his vision and pursued regardless of circumstance. I am so glad that you have taken a leadership role at your church and have done so fearlessly. It is never easy but you stayed with it! I love you! Thank you for our talks, your motivation, our trip to SF (dormilona!)! Because of you, I came back to God. Never underestimate how God can use you! Stay inspirational!

5) Naty: Damn Patoja, you are in college! Words cannot not describe on how proud I am of you! You know I love you dearly and I want nothing but the best for you! You are strong, independent, and intelligent! God will always be there for you, take advantage of that! Nunca te olvides de tu creador y tu salvador! You inspire many! You got kids back here looking up to you and you are about to influence many in San Diego. You are a great asset to our society and to many communities, but you are a much bigger asset to God and His Kingdom!

4) My Parents: These two have sacrificed so much so I can have what I have: shelter, clothes, and an education. This leads to my budding career. Thank you for instructing me in God's way since I was young. I left, I denied God for many years but your prayers never lost fervor for me. I am back with Him. Thank you! Your hard work and sacrifice are still constant, and thank you for motivating me to be the best that I can be. You two have been my most permanent influential people on this earth. God bless you two!

3) Pastor Humberto Montufar: Pastor, usted no sabe cuanto me has influenciado este año. Primero, usted solo era el pastor de la iglesia donde asistía, pero ahora reconozco que usted es mi pastor. Gracias por ser el gran líder que es. Gracias por ser atento, por escuchar y por ser sabio en sus palabras. Su influencia permanece en mi, ahora que soy líder en la iglesia, por su autoridad que Dios le da. Que Dios le bendiga por el resto de sus días--que serán muchos!

2) Vanessa: There is no doubt in my mind that you are the love of my life, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. This is not fantasy or some intense romance. You are my rock, my motivator, my partner. When I begin to waver, you stabilize me. You are such a blessing in my life and our beginning took place this past year, 2013. You gear my back always to God, and we have a ministry that is about to take off! God has the answers to our doubts, inquiries, and uncertainties but you are a clear answer that you are mine! Babe, you aren't only inspirational to me but to many!! And best believe that your sphere of influence will continue to grow as our ministry grows! God bless you!

1) Jesus: My number one spot will always be Jesus Christ to hold. Many are quick to judge and to say something. Why? Do you have the experience that I have? I'll tell you this, living in faith, praying to Jesus, and reading the Bible is all experience. Not rules, no regulations. There exist one division and that is sin and God. They don't go together. We are all sinners (we as humans don't define what is sin or not; only God can do that) but Jesus takes away sin from the equation so there is no division between man and God. Jesus showed me that this year. He showed me through excitement, my doubt, my struggles, my pain and He has remained. Jesus, you are the most influential person. This is your spot. Thank you for blessing me. Thank you for my career! Thank you for position at church. Everything I do is for you. Because I do everything for you, I will love everyone and not judge. They will see that I am wired different and that is because I have you! You are most influential this past years and all years to come!

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am human

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am human
Mistakes and problems are part of the territory
Dreams and hope are what derives the nuisance
Of a world who constantly denies my stories
I look out the window for the definition
Of a man, but I can’t see past the reflection
Who is that failure? Do I cater to attrition?
The war the never ends is the reason I’m pessimistic
My ambition is never met with reality
The opportunities? What opportunities? That train I missed it
Because I regularly victimize my existence
And I really do not know who is there to listen
I continually create conundrums, watch my care crumble
What makes sense anymore? One does not simply be humble
With experiencing something excruciating
You know something like doubt
I was never warned of those sunny days I’ve been waiting
On, behind those grey clouds
Are a figment of my hallucination, and nothing more
What can I grab on to keep me sane? I just got my words
And when I decenter myself from my thought
I can see the sunshine and the hint of joy it brought
That glimpse of smile on infant that in that instant
Lived in a third world country in the United States
See my heritage is American, but here I’m a Unitedstatesian
My merits might be unbearable, but I was too an alien
My legality didn’t matter, but my ideas cause a stir
I repress my solitude, allow a new attitude to bear
My past, cuz I swear it was nothing but a blur
This caged bird with broken wings can taste the free air
Yet this prison is what I called home
If I leave my designated space, what would become of me?
Is there more than to be alone?
Philosophizing ain’t nothing but a barrier, see
I stay put, kick it and somehow I’m fed
But I need to see if the world is really dead
At least that’s what amoral authority said
So I can’t stay in place antagonizing my feelings
A confident step to forget myself to reach my ceiling
I got whole lot of potential it ain’t even good
If I can’t help my people in the hood
In the dumps, in the slums, in selected domains
I fight with them because I know their pain
I’m to here to help you, man; Whatever you want me to do, ma’am
I meant I’m able to relate because we are all human

My People's Song

Some days I sit, starin' out the window Watchin' this world pass me by Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for I almost break down and cry Somtimes I think I'm crazy I'm crazy, oh so crazy Why am I here, am I just wasting my time? But then I see my [people] Suddenly I'm not crazy It all makes sense when I look into [their] eyes This is currently what I feel. As I inch closer to graduation there comes an end to an era. I cannot help be to look in retrospect. There is a greater thought in my mind than my failures. It is on repeat and its taking a toll on me. There really isn’t another thought in the vicinity that overtakes me. So when I heard Hailey’s song, I just sit and think and “watch the world pass me by.” No one sees me, everyone is living their life, and rightfully so. It’s like I trapping myself to these thoughts and I let other things pass me. And I am not going to lie, there have been a few times that I just want to cry. I do break down but out of pride, I don’t let my self weep. So being so lost in my failures, I do think that I wasted my time. I wasted theirs. It was all a waste because I did not amount to anything. At least that’s my take. But then my spirits are lifted. “But then I see my [people].” Man, that’s all it takes. One hug from a kid on the block. One text from the high school students. Unexpected, encouraging words from my peers. I take all that to heart. That’s when I know I must being doing something right. Every thing I do is for my people and nothing else. That’s why that last line is perfect for me. “It all makes sense when I look into [their] eyes.” So when Eminem sings “Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders Everyone's leanin' on me,” I do have a burden to take but I do not carry it by myself. It’s all better when I see that my people are doing better.

Maybe

All I really yearn for is to be accepted
By my people, for my people dreams resurrected
I ain’t trying to be prophetic
I haven’t written anything in hieroglyphics
But for some reason it’s hard to get my message
My struggle ain’t worth being told, or is it?
Maybe I was meant to be alone
Maybe I don’t got a place to call home
Maybe I’m pursuing something inexistent
Maybe my view of the world is tinted
Maybe no one cares about my beliefs
Maybe you will when it becomes the death of me
It’s kind of hard to translate what I feel
My language is underlined by what’s real
I look in the eyes of my people
Look of despair makes me desperate
I woke up this morning not knowing I was a hero
To bring my community up will make me restless
Sacrificial acts are intuitive, derived from the soul
Sometimes I wish I knew something I did not know
Maybe I will remain the unsung fallen hero
Maybe I will let down those who keep hope
Maybe my dream will cease to exist
Maybe pain and sorrow will always persist
Maybe I will become a simple afterthought
Just as easy to say maybe, I say maybe not

Never Know

I grew up dreamin' of perfect livin'
With gifts wrapped and with ribbons
Wife and kids and comfortable sitting'
Now the light the illuminates is slowly dimmin'
I hate center of attention and self pity
That's why I like to keep my emotions well hidden
If I was ever given a chance
to make an advance
Girl, you'd be secure in my hands and my arms
We could dance under the stars
I rather be with you but I'm here
battling the blues with no tears
I've only got a few years of my youth
So what do I got to do to prove to you
Am I not worth it? I know I ain't perfect
Forget me deservin' anything
I'm falling off the curve, yet i'm learnin'
I've been deserted while awaiting the verdict
I'm trying to be more assertative
Tune down the curses, summon the courage
to break out my cage
I pray every single day to rid of these shackles
Death over me like those on the other side of El Paso
You know, I've never been taught how
But my hope ain't lost now
The conclusion is open ended
With the future yet to be cemented

The roads and boulevards of my thinking

The roads and boulevards of my thinking
are leading me into uncharted territories
I want to be emancipated like the slaves with Lincoln
So I can grow old freely to tell my stories
I got choices to the left and to the right
Darkness covers me, I'm losing my sight
What is the path that will lead to my legacy?
What is the path that will soon be the end of me?
Maybe it's the same one and I'm on it
I'm ill, no one told me dreaming was a chronic
disease, I want to relieve it by living my dreams
Harsh reality keeps me from being medicated, its seems
Society don't want me on top, I'll get shot down with arrows
If I motivate the hoods to dream, democracy is in peril
To get back, they set back those criminal lives
Education is the road less traveled to create critical minds
Every step you take, the history of the world you change
Your imprint forever embedded in this world of pain
Tears never shed in public, just behind closed doors
There lies the destination of what you don't know no more
Directionless, you're lost, you have no destiny
This isn't guidance to what you are meant to be
But encouragement to keep pushing for that compass
if you go outside the elites agenda, you will be punished
But its those risks you take that will alleviate
the impoverished, politics are what incarcerates
to make those profits, that world don't need no prophet
It needs actions with words, start your quest
what happens next might be war, but no worries
a warrior dies for his convictions
if you don't have any, then listen
Illuminate your road to see where it's leading
Stare in the eyes of injustice, its the people that you believe in

The Best Experience of My Life Thus Far

It's been a full week since the program started. CLOP. There is nothing like it. I have never been so humbled or so proud to be a reference and a mentor to students who needed it most. As much as I want to write on it, the experiences and the feelings are truly indescribable and genuine. One thing I would note is that these students broke me. I never cry but I cried like a chillon. I couldn't help it. As much as we motivated and instilled belief in these students, they inspired me. It allowed me to fulfill a dream of mine to inspire my people. I saw that when I see the thanks they gave me. In one of my poems I said if I never inspire, I'll stop the pen. Stop writing. Stop trying. But now I am more motivated then ever to help. There is nothing in this world that I want more. There is nothing in this world that fulfills me. This is what I meant for. I want to thank all those in my green team! Those who helped me out. I will forever be thankful to Alex for giving me the team leader position. I want to thank Fern for making the program to what it is. I want to thank my parents for raising me into the man that I am. I want to thank God for everything. They may never come across this, it doesn't matter to me. I want to thank them publicly. CLOP is the first step for me helping my people as much as I can. Like I told my team, my father told me to shoot for the stars to fall on the clouds but I told him I wasn't down with that if I shoot for the stars I'm going to hit the damn stars. Dream big to achieve big. Believe in yourself and the goals because if you don't, don't try to achieve them. Again I humbled and eternally thankful. CLOP started one week ago and the program ended on Saturday, but the essence of CLOP lasts forever. I'll never be the same again. G- what? G- SQUAD!!

One Text I recieved:
I just wanted to say THANX. This weekend was a life changing experience It made me happy because I know what ima do with my life. I want to be in Hermanos Unidos. I want to be like you guys. I hope it goes the way I want to because thats my only option going and finishing college. I hope you don't forget about me cus I could really use your advice in the future.

I will leave the student anonymous.