I don't think anyone really understands or know who I am. All I think of is helping my people. That is all what I want to do. There is nothing else. If I can't do that then there is no reason for my existence. But I do exist. I will do it. The last month I feel it even more. As I talked to my dad about my people. He reminded me that kids live in the dumps in Guatemala. My reaction was to some shed tears. It was pain. At the park where I work, a mom was telling me her hardships and I just see her love for her 5 children. That it is was drives her. She would tell how the kids love to eat ribs, but she has not bought any lately. This hurts me. This past weekend I went to two events on campus and have affected me greatly. The first was a professor from Mexico who talked about the peaceful insurrection of the Zapatistas in Chiapas. The few points I took from his discourse was power is a virus and infection. Capital is a virus and infection. I walked out of there not wanting to be healthy, I don't want to be infected by such poison. I agreed so much in his positions and mentioned about actions being verbs and not nouns. I had adopted that thinking after hearing a song by my countryman Ricardo Arjona. He also brought up an idea that if you want change, you don't wait till tomorrow, you change today. He said that the insurrection is not only in Chiapas but in anyone. What I took to heart the most was that to be a revolutionary, it is vital create a revolutionary program to be part of the vanguard. There was no doubt in my mind that I want to be part of the vanguard. The following day I went to a presentation of poems and songs in Latin America geared to revolutionary values with Che Guevara as the focal point. I felt at home. I felt that I was part of the music. I remember one song where they mentioned Martin Luther King Jr. As I read the lyrics, heard the music, I thought that my two inspirations were set together, Martin and Che. Two total opposites but nonetheless inspiring to me. I thought I was the only one who could appreciate both with roots in Latin America and flourished in the US. When I heard that and saw Martin's picture, I cried. I could not help it. As I could not help it when I thought of the kids in Guatemala. I have come to a point where I desperately want to help my people. I know what is I meant to do. Every time I heard the music, heard about my people suffering, I feel a chill in my spine as I feel when I feel a connection with God. I am moved and know that I am destined to help my people. If a person who does not have faith in God, might doubt him but I simply cannot. He is love. He always appeared to the ones who were suffering, the poor. He helped people in need. Everything I want to do. I want to be a revolutionary. What it is important is to know that revolution cannot be spelled or be done without love. To me, I believe God is love. So I cannot be a revolutionary without Him. I will be a revolutionary. I want to be it now. Not tomorrow. Revolutionary is not a noun but a verb. My dad gave me the idea to bring food, clothes and other things to the workers in the field. I don't need to travel all of Latin America to see the poverty but look around me. I will travel the world to help my people. I dream too big and like I told my dad, I don't shoot for the stars to hit the clouds, I shoot for the stars to hit them. I have my people in mind, my Latinidad, and I start to be a revolutionary today.
P.S. When I have my daughter, I have a feeling my first child will be a daughter, I will sing to song to her always: Agua, Tierra, Fuego y Viento with the voice of her father. The chorus is :
Cuando yo te abrazo no te abrazo solo,
te abraza conmigo una eternidad,
te abrazan los valles, las montañas y los vientos,
las flores del campo y el olor del pan.
Cuando yo te beso, no te beso solo,
azúcar te traigo del cañaveral.
Soy como la tierra para darte fruto,
soy de miel morena para amarte más
