My Most Influential People of 2013

13) Kobe Bryant: C'mon. You really think that I would leave the Black Mamba off my list?! I've been a die hard Lakers fan since 6 and Kobe shooting air balls in Utah as a rookie! Seeing him go off like he did to WILL THE TERRIBLE LAKER TEAM TO THE PLAYOFFS! And then, it happened. The Achille's rupture. The end never seemed nearer for my favorite player on my favorite team. But his will, once again, got him back to play regardless of prognostics and pundits alike. Yes, he hurt is knee and that may very well be an indicator that he is soon to retire but his spirit, work ethic, and fire is not to be overlooked! Why is Kobe influential? His focus, mind set, and dedication should encourage us to do the same and apply it to our own passion; even if we are written off and discouraged. Kobe keeps fighting for what drives him, and I'll take that lesson for my life and my passion.

12) Nelson Mandela: Nelson has always been a figure of intrigue and admiration. His death and the film on his life catapults him to my list. Why? I have always loved to hear things on Mandela, but the combo of movie and passing makes you think. And analyze. Mandela's unwavering dedication to the cause is a model that EVERYONE SHOULD FOLLOW. You believe in something, don't give up on it. Regardless of political persecution, imprisonment, or broken relationships. One of the things that I admire of Mandela is that he knew when to put the betterment of others before his person opinions. He could have easily continued with violence against the apartheid in his country but he saw something radical that would forever change his country: love. When people realize that in our world that love is all what is need. Love breeds peace, forgiveness, and progress. Mandela, rest in peace, you are extremely influential on this world, especially of a Guatemalan man in LA.

11)My Students going to College: Wow! I could not been more prouder of all the youth I have seen reach the next level! My Dos Pueblos kids include Karen Garcia (UCSB), Miguel Castillo (SFSU), Laurie Recinos (SBCC), Maggie Cabrera (SBCC), Talia (SFSU), Iris Ramirez (SBCC) and others (Sorry! Some names slip my mind! I'm getting old). From Leuzinger I have Allyza (CSUDH) and Tiffany (CSULB) and others! My CLOPpers, I have Alejandra Guzman (UCSC; not the singer), Devin Perkins (SMCC), Alejandra Mendoza (CSUN), Sergio Montes (SDSU), and Lawrence Carcamo (WLAC)!! You guys are ALL INSPIRATIONAL! Your successes motivate me! And they inspire others to do the same! Also to my kids already in college! Michael, Samantha, Jackie, Karla, Kimberly, Eriberto, Luis. To my other CLOPpers, you are meant to succeed! I am always here to help you succeed! I never forget any of you guys! None! Also a shout out to other CLOPpers I keep in touch with! Luis (UCB) and Kevin (NYU Shanghai)!

10) My Little aka Frankie Espinoza: Man, I tell you this every time we talk, but I am damn proud of you! You have kept your balance with your academics, have done extracurricular activities, and have been a great partner for Nina. I know I haven't done my part to keep in touch more but believe that I think of you always. I can't wait to hear more your success! From working to Watts, to your GPA, and other endeavors you embark on! You are very inspirational! Know that! It is something to have some pride but humble yourself and keep working! Also, I want to give a shootout to the rest of my freshman group--yea you guys are still freshmen to me! Tony, Erik, Juan aka Abuelo, Gonzalo, I am proud of you guys, I have a lot of love for you guys! I am here if you guys need anything! I want all of y'all to succeed!!

9) Amabilia Villeda: To the small, loud Guatemalan lady! Ojala que un dia podra leer este simple mensaje. Usted inspira a muchos incluyendo a mi. Su pasión y dedicación para mejorar la educación para su hijo y toda una comunidad es muy impresionante! Siendo líder, usted aprecio en muchas cadenas de noticia y muchos artículos en los periódicos pero usted nunca perdió la humildad. Creeme cuando digo que yo aprecio las baciladas, las risas y su pasión por una generación y comunidad que merece mejor. También a todas las mamas, papas y abuelitos de al 24th Stree Elementary, estoy muy agradecido por haber estado con ustedes. A lo mejor ninguno de ustedes leerá este mensaje, pero ustedes inspira a muchos! Also for the Parent Revolution team at 24th street, thank you for taking me in! Yuri, KB, Cue, and my main man, my Guatemalan homie, Don Hector.

8) Cesar Arambul: My little homie, my little brother. I hope you get to read this too! Here is man that is capacitated to inspire many! Cesar, aint nobody that can write you off! I am very proud of you! I admire your hard work--during high school, ELAC, and at work. I'm glad that we kicked it a few times this year, that brings me great joy! Also, your interest to look for God goes unnoticed. He knows that you are looking for Him, and believe me you'll find Him! You are meant to do great things! Believe that man! You are hope and inspiration to generation and community without many positive role models. You already know this, I got your back always.

7) Llury Garcia: Llury, you made HISTORY! You led a change in Watts! This has never been seen, never been heard of, and has never been experienced! Your leadership is extraordinary! You might not believe that but it is true! If you haven't heard of the Weigand campaign, you better find out and seen what a mom from the community can do! I am glad that I can call you my friend. Thank you for confiding me your story, you are a strong person. Never forget that. What you did, nobody can take that from you! Ana has a great mom! I got your back and never forget, that God has something bigger for you, just look for him!

6) Jessenia: I am so proud of you. That way you have matured in the Lord and the works you have done for him. Gardena will never forget of the children's event you and IBB did. God will always remember that you listened to his vision and pursued regardless of circumstance. I am so glad that you have taken a leadership role at your church and have done so fearlessly. It is never easy but you stayed with it! I love you! Thank you for our talks, your motivation, our trip to SF (dormilona!)! Because of you, I came back to God. Never underestimate how God can use you! Stay inspirational!

5) Naty: Damn Patoja, you are in college! Words cannot not describe on how proud I am of you! You know I love you dearly and I want nothing but the best for you! You are strong, independent, and intelligent! God will always be there for you, take advantage of that! Nunca te olvides de tu creador y tu salvador! You inspire many! You got kids back here looking up to you and you are about to influence many in San Diego. You are a great asset to our society and to many communities, but you are a much bigger asset to God and His Kingdom!

4) My Parents: These two have sacrificed so much so I can have what I have: shelter, clothes, and an education. This leads to my budding career. Thank you for instructing me in God's way since I was young. I left, I denied God for many years but your prayers never lost fervor for me. I am back with Him. Thank you! Your hard work and sacrifice are still constant, and thank you for motivating me to be the best that I can be. You two have been my most permanent influential people on this earth. God bless you two!

3) Pastor Humberto Montufar: Pastor, usted no sabe cuanto me has influenciado este año. Primero, usted solo era el pastor de la iglesia donde asistía, pero ahora reconozco que usted es mi pastor. Gracias por ser el gran líder que es. Gracias por ser atento, por escuchar y por ser sabio en sus palabras. Su influencia permanece en mi, ahora que soy líder en la iglesia, por su autoridad que Dios le da. Que Dios le bendiga por el resto de sus días--que serán muchos!

2) Vanessa: There is no doubt in my mind that you are the love of my life, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. This is not fantasy or some intense romance. You are my rock, my motivator, my partner. When I begin to waver, you stabilize me. You are such a blessing in my life and our beginning took place this past year, 2013. You gear my back always to God, and we have a ministry that is about to take off! God has the answers to our doubts, inquiries, and uncertainties but you are a clear answer that you are mine! Babe, you aren't only inspirational to me but to many!! And best believe that your sphere of influence will continue to grow as our ministry grows! God bless you!

1) Jesus: My number one spot will always be Jesus Christ to hold. Many are quick to judge and to say something. Why? Do you have the experience that I have? I'll tell you this, living in faith, praying to Jesus, and reading the Bible is all experience. Not rules, no regulations. There exist one division and that is sin and God. They don't go together. We are all sinners (we as humans don't define what is sin or not; only God can do that) but Jesus takes away sin from the equation so there is no division between man and God. Jesus showed me that this year. He showed me through excitement, my doubt, my struggles, my pain and He has remained. Jesus, you are the most influential person. This is your spot. Thank you for blessing me. Thank you for my career! Thank you for position at church. Everything I do is for you. Because I do everything for you, I will love everyone and not judge. They will see that I am wired different and that is because I have you! You are most influential this past years and all years to come!

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am human

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am human
Mistakes and problems are part of the territory
Dreams and hope are what derives the nuisance
Of a world who constantly denies my stories
I look out the window for the definition
Of a man, but I can’t see past the reflection
Who is that failure? Do I cater to attrition?
The war the never ends is the reason I’m pessimistic
My ambition is never met with reality
The opportunities? What opportunities? That train I missed it
Because I regularly victimize my existence
And I really do not know who is there to listen
I continually create conundrums, watch my care crumble
What makes sense anymore? One does not simply be humble
With experiencing something excruciating
You know something like doubt
I was never warned of those sunny days I’ve been waiting
On, behind those grey clouds
Are a figment of my hallucination, and nothing more
What can I grab on to keep me sane? I just got my words
And when I decenter myself from my thought
I can see the sunshine and the hint of joy it brought
That glimpse of smile on infant that in that instant
Lived in a third world country in the United States
See my heritage is American, but here I’m a Unitedstatesian
My merits might be unbearable, but I was too an alien
My legality didn’t matter, but my ideas cause a stir
I repress my solitude, allow a new attitude to bear
My past, cuz I swear it was nothing but a blur
This caged bird with broken wings can taste the free air
Yet this prison is what I called home
If I leave my designated space, what would become of me?
Is there more than to be alone?
Philosophizing ain’t nothing but a barrier, see
I stay put, kick it and somehow I’m fed
But I need to see if the world is really dead
At least that’s what amoral authority said
So I can’t stay in place antagonizing my feelings
A confident step to forget myself to reach my ceiling
I got whole lot of potential it ain’t even good
If I can’t help my people in the hood
In the dumps, in the slums, in selected domains
I fight with them because I know their pain
I’m to here to help you, man; Whatever you want me to do, ma’am
I meant I’m able to relate because we are all human

My People's Song

Some days I sit, starin' out the window Watchin' this world pass me by Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for I almost break down and cry Somtimes I think I'm crazy I'm crazy, oh so crazy Why am I here, am I just wasting my time? But then I see my [people] Suddenly I'm not crazy It all makes sense when I look into [their] eyes This is currently what I feel. As I inch closer to graduation there comes an end to an era. I cannot help be to look in retrospect. There is a greater thought in my mind than my failures. It is on repeat and its taking a toll on me. There really isn’t another thought in the vicinity that overtakes me. So when I heard Hailey’s song, I just sit and think and “watch the world pass me by.” No one sees me, everyone is living their life, and rightfully so. It’s like I trapping myself to these thoughts and I let other things pass me. And I am not going to lie, there have been a few times that I just want to cry. I do break down but out of pride, I don’t let my self weep. So being so lost in my failures, I do think that I wasted my time. I wasted theirs. It was all a waste because I did not amount to anything. At least that’s my take. But then my spirits are lifted. “But then I see my [people].” Man, that’s all it takes. One hug from a kid on the block. One text from the high school students. Unexpected, encouraging words from my peers. I take all that to heart. That’s when I know I must being doing something right. Every thing I do is for my people and nothing else. That’s why that last line is perfect for me. “It all makes sense when I look into [their] eyes.” So when Eminem sings “Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders Everyone's leanin' on me,” I do have a burden to take but I do not carry it by myself. It’s all better when I see that my people are doing better.

Maybe

All I really yearn for is to be accepted
By my people, for my people dreams resurrected
I ain’t trying to be prophetic
I haven’t written anything in hieroglyphics
But for some reason it’s hard to get my message
My struggle ain’t worth being told, or is it?
Maybe I was meant to be alone
Maybe I don’t got a place to call home
Maybe I’m pursuing something inexistent
Maybe my view of the world is tinted
Maybe no one cares about my beliefs
Maybe you will when it becomes the death of me
It’s kind of hard to translate what I feel
My language is underlined by what’s real
I look in the eyes of my people
Look of despair makes me desperate
I woke up this morning not knowing I was a hero
To bring my community up will make me restless
Sacrificial acts are intuitive, derived from the soul
Sometimes I wish I knew something I did not know
Maybe I will remain the unsung fallen hero
Maybe I will let down those who keep hope
Maybe my dream will cease to exist
Maybe pain and sorrow will always persist
Maybe I will become a simple afterthought
Just as easy to say maybe, I say maybe not

Never Know

I grew up dreamin' of perfect livin'
With gifts wrapped and with ribbons
Wife and kids and comfortable sitting'
Now the light the illuminates is slowly dimmin'
I hate center of attention and self pity
That's why I like to keep my emotions well hidden
If I was ever given a chance
to make an advance
Girl, you'd be secure in my hands and my arms
We could dance under the stars
I rather be with you but I'm here
battling the blues with no tears
I've only got a few years of my youth
So what do I got to do to prove to you
Am I not worth it? I know I ain't perfect
Forget me deservin' anything
I'm falling off the curve, yet i'm learnin'
I've been deserted while awaiting the verdict
I'm trying to be more assertative
Tune down the curses, summon the courage
to break out my cage
I pray every single day to rid of these shackles
Death over me like those on the other side of El Paso
You know, I've never been taught how
But my hope ain't lost now
The conclusion is open ended
With the future yet to be cemented

The roads and boulevards of my thinking

The roads and boulevards of my thinking
are leading me into uncharted territories
I want to be emancipated like the slaves with Lincoln
So I can grow old freely to tell my stories
I got choices to the left and to the right
Darkness covers me, I'm losing my sight
What is the path that will lead to my legacy?
What is the path that will soon be the end of me?
Maybe it's the same one and I'm on it
I'm ill, no one told me dreaming was a chronic
disease, I want to relieve it by living my dreams
Harsh reality keeps me from being medicated, its seems
Society don't want me on top, I'll get shot down with arrows
If I motivate the hoods to dream, democracy is in peril
To get back, they set back those criminal lives
Education is the road less traveled to create critical minds
Every step you take, the history of the world you change
Your imprint forever embedded in this world of pain
Tears never shed in public, just behind closed doors
There lies the destination of what you don't know no more
Directionless, you're lost, you have no destiny
This isn't guidance to what you are meant to be
But encouragement to keep pushing for that compass
if you go outside the elites agenda, you will be punished
But its those risks you take that will alleviate
the impoverished, politics are what incarcerates
to make those profits, that world don't need no prophet
It needs actions with words, start your quest
what happens next might be war, but no worries
a warrior dies for his convictions
if you don't have any, then listen
Illuminate your road to see where it's leading
Stare in the eyes of injustice, its the people that you believe in

The Best Experience of My Life Thus Far

It's been a full week since the program started. CLOP. There is nothing like it. I have never been so humbled or so proud to be a reference and a mentor to students who needed it most. As much as I want to write on it, the experiences and the feelings are truly indescribable and genuine. One thing I would note is that these students broke me. I never cry but I cried like a chillon. I couldn't help it. As much as we motivated and instilled belief in these students, they inspired me. It allowed me to fulfill a dream of mine to inspire my people. I saw that when I see the thanks they gave me. In one of my poems I said if I never inspire, I'll stop the pen. Stop writing. Stop trying. But now I am more motivated then ever to help. There is nothing in this world that I want more. There is nothing in this world that fulfills me. This is what I meant for. I want to thank all those in my green team! Those who helped me out. I will forever be thankful to Alex for giving me the team leader position. I want to thank Fern for making the program to what it is. I want to thank my parents for raising me into the man that I am. I want to thank God for everything. They may never come across this, it doesn't matter to me. I want to thank them publicly. CLOP is the first step for me helping my people as much as I can. Like I told my team, my father told me to shoot for the stars to fall on the clouds but I told him I wasn't down with that if I shoot for the stars I'm going to hit the damn stars. Dream big to achieve big. Believe in yourself and the goals because if you don't, don't try to achieve them. Again I humbled and eternally thankful. CLOP started one week ago and the program ended on Saturday, but the essence of CLOP lasts forever. I'll never be the same again. G- what? G- SQUAD!!

One Text I recieved:
I just wanted to say THANX. This weekend was a life changing experience It made me happy because I know what ima do with my life. I want to be in Hermanos Unidos. I want to be like you guys. I hope it goes the way I want to because thats my only option going and finishing college. I hope you don't forget about me cus I could really use your advice in the future.

I will leave the student anonymous.

All love everything

It’s no longer the working man
It’s called the working fam
Where other force their hands
To do things they shouldn’t be doin’
That’s why the need for more positive influence
So they can stop the stupid things they’re choosin’
To do
So let’s proceed
It’s about you, it ain’t about me
But I will expose the exploiters
Innocence and idealism died with Tom Sawyer
So why treat people worse than the soil for?
Down with rich class, time to hoist the poor
My experiences make me delirious
What? You don’t catch my drift?
Let me run your conscience
Because you shouldn’t be steering it
I’m here to lift those in poor spirits
I’m here the shift the center to the margins
So I can clearly hear ‘em
To tell them I really do beg your pardon
I’m letting you know you shouldn’t dim the light of the comets
The people are the fuel to the progress
Forget the preposterous process of profit
At the expense of the common folk
Believe me love and respect are profitable
To get it, you got to defy logic so
To understand that this ain’t no binary
The load to let that world know is mine to carry

Realization of my Emotions

I’ve been alone in my room
Time seems to have me doomed
My motive’s motor is running on fumes
All those dreams I once pursued
My success is long over due
Star in the sky, let me get as old as you
But allow me to retain my youth
It is then I see my dependency
That will soon be the end of me
Destroying my entity
Keeping me from what I was meant to be
Reality is my fallacy
It is that scary mask on Halloween
I’m overtaken by my own pride
I’m pursue my dreams ‘til I die
Once dead, I’m going ahead and pass it on,
So the kid, who receives the dream, lives on
So everyone listen up,
I just want to see who gives a fuck
Depends on the matter, I’m giving up
But you? I never will
Not the angel I see from my window sill
You have understand I’m trapped
I want to get lost at the depths of my sight
I have no direction, I wish I had a map
if I have to use the last ounce of my might
I will achieve what I set out to do
My America, I can’t live without you
I’m at the point where these walls will crumble
I might stumble or fumble
I’m inching towards that light at the end of the tunnel
I feel the weight of the whole continent
Yet they are the ones who carry my conscience and
I’m going to break barriers
Layers, Layers, after layers
Of ignorance and arrogance
Bliss of some bullshit
A person of one country can’t be “American”
But all those who live between opposite tips
We are worth it to be livin’
This might be an ode to end Capitalism
As we know it
Realization of my emotions

This Thanksgiving

It's been a while since I have written something. Well I try to post reasons why I am thankful each year. No one probably reads this at all but I will continue to write. Quoting myself that "My goal is only to be an inspiration to you/ If I’m not that influence, than I drop the pen/And be forever thru" I feel like I can still inspire at least one person. I am confident that one person will read this and I can be the influence, that inspiration. So furthermore, I still give importance to my blog.

This year I am thankful for many things. I am thankful because I just got out of my cast yesterday!! Three months after breaking a small bone in my wrist playing soccer. Its all good tho because these kind of things make you appreciate health more and take advantage that I can do things. About a week ago a meet another chapin on the bus and he had just gotten a cast. He was with his son and asked him how long he has had it. He told me that after a month he just gotten it and he had for a month. The first part shocked me. One month with a broken bone. He had to work, continue with his daily life with a broken bone. I don't if I can do that and all I do is go to school. And then I thought he was lucky because people in extreme poverty will never have the luxury of a cast. And if he is lucky then I have to be one of the luckiest person ever. I thank God because I am covered by my Dad's health insurance. I am thankful because my Dad's job gives their employees health benefits. Things like this is worthy of being grateful. Three weeks with a cast sucks but me having a cast to help cure my broken wrist is something I am extremely thankful.

Another thing that I am extremely thankful is the opportunities I have to serve my community. I also thank God because to me that's my talent, that's my purpose. I know it. There is no doubt in my mind, body, and soul. The opportunities to serve and be part of my community have presented themselves through two orgs at school that I am in love with: Hermanos Unidos and La Escuelita. HU is the family. I went in for community service and came out with brothers I never had. To be part of the bond is so important to me. It's truly unbelievable. And I get to be with brothers to do community service? That takes it over the top. Before I did things my way. I helped my way and did what I could. I wanted to help my people. With HU that last sentence becomes to help our people. La Escuelita allows me to connect with the children I knew before hand. LE keeps me constantly connected with my community, my people. And like HU, I have met some great people in LE and already know I can count on them to be friends. It took me long enough but I finally got involved with some orgs and I still do what I love to do. And that is to help my people. And what helped me join was a little push. A little push by someone I am truly grateful for: Flavid Montoya. That's a shout out to my boy. What ever I do in both orgs is because he is the one who talked to me at the Arbor.

Continuing with my gratitude is always the same--and the values of each person/thing never diminishes but enhances. God, my family, my friends, me being Guatemalan (being Latino is a gift I think), my health, my possessions, and my heart for my people.

I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving and remember we owe something to the Native Americans because the pilgrims and the people afterwards have displaced them as they have my Mayans. I have all indigenous people in my mind because I would not be me without my indigenous blood. I am thankful that I am indigenous too!

say what?!

I found this poem written march 29th, 2007. I don't know what to make of it but I have decided, obviously, to post it up


I can offer you my love and my time
and my arms so you can hide
or relax or just watch time fly by
or watch time stand still because its just you and I
put our hands together, perfect fit, perfect match
let time witness how grow greatly attached
when I am in your presence
it's like I am in a higher dimension
holding you for one second
is like a million years in heaven
I can watch you from afar in awe
Basically your my true love my all
this is my offer:my love my being
you accepting would mean the world to me

Surrealness

This is the first writing of my storybook


Trying to find this man’s soul
So I scribble and ramble
It might get me nowhere in the Arizona desert
There is no measure for the pain
There is no pleasure as I try to keep my treasure
I don’t quiver or shiver
I just wish I can be delivered
From these hostile mirages
From where bullets penetrate garages
Nearly miss where my heart is
Almost making me cold and heartless
I walk the road of the martyrs
Living all the hardships
Where is the energy I once did harness?
I seem ripe for Death’s daily harvest
I need to go the furthest
I need to go the farthest
Build my own tools since I’m a wordsmith
There isn’t hope, is there?
I see the serpent slither
Blurred of what’s real
And what is surreal
Either side can’t grasp that this furnace kills
But there’s is a faint figure with me
I feel a presence within
And a feeling that I will conquer anything
That comes against me
As I close in to the core
I hear the knock at the door
I knew it had to be open
Because once doing so, I allow all hope in
So this path I choose
Is not chose often, but leads to truth


After reading a book for class, I pondered upon the surrealness of the Arizona desert. From the south, the one who makes his trek north, the migrant approaches a border of sanity and insanity. He crosses the line of what is real and what is not. Reality perceived is blurred. It is no longer concrete, it is no longer fathomable. The heat does this you. So does the social factors that push the migrant up north. This surrealness allows the implausible to be accepted as whatever seen with an attitude of “it is what it is.” It is the natural order. There is no way out of how things are. Why change things if they seem concrete. This way of thinking is surreal.

So when I bring up you don’t have to follow the rules of the system that constrains you or you can think otherwise from the perceived norm; I am crazy, insane, and not talking in a plausible sense. Why? There are not many, I think, that see there all viable options to get out of social structures that disallow your individualism. Within one’s individual self, he or she has freedoms, unalienable rights as they are guaranteed in the constitution. Once one has secured those freedoms, thoughts and actions are given to the betterment of a community. By gaining his or her own rights to live, one can live unselfishly for the collective success. To make it a reality, not a figment of imagination as anyone can say, is powered by love and can happen in a selfish, competitive, capitalistic context that exists in the United States. By “loving thy neighbor,” progress can be achieved and make an unselfish, giving, and even capitalistic society anywhere, including the United States.

An idea like this being proposed can be quickly dismissed as preposterous. Well, in truth, as an individual I have the freedom to believe and I do in fact exercise that freedom to the fullest. This belief of mine is extremely difficult for the unfortunate people in society. They have been entrapped by surrealness for what seems to be from the dawn of time. What is perceived and believed is that their place is inherited and set in stone, but that stone can be smashed. By showing them a door for which they can ascend and after lend a helping hand to others can change a whole societal structure that only elites are completely comfortable with. Like the migrants being engulfed by surrealness in the Arizona desert, people give up. They lose sight of society and die without knowledge of it. I have this freedom of knowledge, and living a reality, it is my duty to share it and not retain it to myself.

Furthermore, the people in the other side of the physical border cannot grasp the reality either. When in the news does one hear or read about the lives lost on United States soil? Those who died repeatedly in the same area of the United States? Are they not worth of news? Or are they not human enough to be recognize them? People north of the border are also flawed by living this surrealness. They don’t care because they cannot see them. They do not appear in their realm. Perspective is jaded in state of surrealness. They are not free to see these people, brothers and sisters in the same humanity, are dying. Again, I am free to this clearly and I recognize these fallen brothers and sisters. I will help others to change focus and see clearer how reality really is. That state of surrealness disallows one to grasp reality. The Arizona desert land is a prime example to highlight this thought, this notion, this truth. Nevertheless this border can be shattered into a spectrum of reality with love.

In my poem I express my journey through surrealness like if I were to experience the military shooting through peasant’s homes in Latin America or drive by shootings in any ghetto area of the United States. In reality, there is no reason for doing such things. I do not feel like a pioneer but I do feel like I have a duty to inspire, to teach, to serve, and to, overall, love my people. I accept my duty and will do it with compassion. These qualities I am to do and the attitude is derived from my personal relationship with God. Without him, I would be part of the surrealness. I relate the Arizona desert/“reality” as a furnace and it as an allusion to the Old Testament story of Daniel (?), and how he and some of his friends were not burnt and another figure was seen with him. In my poem the faint figure, as seen by others, is Jesus Christ who accompanies me and never fails. The presence is the Holy Spirit instilled in me when I was liberated into having a relationship with God. The following lines are there to show my relationship with Christ and allusions to the Bible (“I can do all things through Christ,” “I knock at your door, “ and “a small path leads to the gates of heaven”; found in Philippians, Revelations, and Matthew in the Bible respectively).

Again, this notion can, and will be, rejected due to be deviant from the apparent “reality” of the actually society structure. To many this is too liberal of a thought, but in all honest truth, this is an enactment of my liberation to share with you of what is reality, socially and spiritually.


*Notes*
*There have been grammar corrections from the original writing
*The book mentioned is Dead in Their Tracks by John Annerino
*It was not Daniel, but 3 Jews in the book of Daniel in the Bible, specifically all of chapter 3
*The verses alluded too are Philippians 4:13, Revelations 3:20, and Matthew 7:13-14
*Originally written 4/27/10

What you call just a notebook, I call it my story book

So to ALL of my readers and followers, just letting you know that I have a notebook which I want to keep all my intimate thoughts, all my ideas, and all my poems. It is a raw "thoughts of chapinaso." I free write what I have inside of me. I have already wrote and its great. It so happened to be a poem with an essay of my feelings. I will not write everything in my storybook onto the blog, but things I feel like sharing. Also, for now, I will allow to read and look in my storybook to those I feel can appreciate most and have a certain level of understanding that I feel that is more than adequate to grasp what I have written. So yup, that's about it.

Voyage, trek, path

Hey I say that I love,
but when I see a bum,
I just shrug
Well today that bubble’s gonna burst
Not dismiss anything for whatever its worth
I wanna build dreams, not shovel it in dirt
You ask what’s the threshold to be special?
To be honest, grasp your fear and just let go
I’ll show you to be the captain of your vessel
Let’s take on these oceans of emotions
Your belief and faith are so potent
Make all the obstacles crumble
You might stumble, but regain balance
What’s life without a challenge?
Grab the opportune with your talons,
You got talent, soar like an eagle
But don’t for your majestic people
Experience misery and malice
But I yearn for the palace
Up in the heavens, seventh
Layer, don’t wait another second
This voyage requires you to take one step in
And then let’s get going and never stop
Any of these excess can go and rot
Because I already got what I need
My wants don’t allow me to succeed
In the worst of storms, just be easy
Keep on moving, just believe me
I will never mislead, or leave you stranded
My savior even less, now just imagine
Put up the sails, let love prevail
This ship might have sunk, but never will sink again
Me? Drowning? You better think again
Before the end, allow me to begin
I had that binge of sin, but I came to win
Let the ink of my pen, sink in the your skin
Into your blood vessels, into the heart
It truth you need to transcend far, to be special
Lay my path, this road pebble for pebble
To get to the finish line, you have to start
As time diminishes with every minute,
This is for your benefit, so just listen
Your life is art, be Picasso on the canvas
Advancements for the people as a whole
Share what you know, be free, start dancin’
Freely roam because you have the answer
And best believe it is not banter
You got a question, I got a suggestion
Cross that threshold to be special
I do it for the best folks
Friends, kin, neighbor or whoever I meet
T-r-u-t-h will set you free
King of Nazareth is all you need
This the people’s speech
For the people I speak
That’s who I listen too
They got stories deploring
What the evils do
Oppression is real, I’m ready
To battle, against the heavy
Machinery, but the people is needing me
Here I go
Against the current, against the flow
I got the courage to take a stance
For my fellows, I just dance
My enemy is confused
I got that liberty that is muse
To you because you ain’t got truth
Drop your weapons, I’ll share with you
Let’s take our steps and start our trek
You to the right, to the left, both are next
To settle is for less, to be special is our test
And we are capable to pass, to begin our path
So don’t let this moment past, make it last

What is true to me, Marlon

You have been on my mind
I’m going to tell you, it’s about time
For you I sing, write, and create poems
I love you, be my Alley I will be your Noah
What you call just a notebook
I call it my storybook
Read it once and it’ll provide another look
Read it over again, feel my feet on the path I took
What is criticism when there is critical livin’?
This is my emission of my precision
I reject the simplistic vision
Cuz I feed the need of the givin’ mission
What intertwines us might be the blindness
But I see the light within the prism
So I was able to let loose
I’m outside the box with proof of the livin’ truth
Containment of my thinkin’ is a sanction
Not given by my permission
I’m free, and you’re free to interpret
All of my wordage
However you read it or heard it
It is urgent for my resurgence as a person
The precursor to my disturbance
Alter that current into my own insurance
For my happiness under my burden
I wanted to make into hip hop
But I will live as a poet
It’ll be my craft, I’ll love it and be devoted
Note the similar sounds connect
If you don’t know what I mean, I suggest switching your focus
If you see you can’t grasp my abstract, at least that you noticed
To be infinitely intricate like the internet
The intent of mental incubus
Drawn out from below proves to be inconclusive
Of this daunting task conquering me
No destroying of confidence, see
Cuz there is something in me, not intuitive
I solemnly promise, I will always be honest
And give more of this love and calmness
Reflect on consciousness of conscience
Listen to my vowels and consonants
Flow and swim thru the consonance
Its resonance, my meaning reconnaissance
The reconciliation with my old and renaissance
A new, forever surplus into my reservoir
I won’t but you might stop producing like menopause
Halt, whom precedes tomorrow seeds
Help lay the path to let them succeed
So what I do now supersedes
My wants with their needs
Before I go on further
With this combination of absurd words
Call me a researcher
Ready to react, I’m proactive
I light a fire with no matches
Can’t be passive with the masses
And the anguish they inhabit
I’m the director, and before I say action
I’m going to change the roles
No need to practice
Just be your potential and behold
I’m just a kid who lost his innocence
Ever since I have been belligerent
And all of its synonyms
I want to be autonomous, to be honest
But the problem is my intent
Has its antonyms, I’m a man with sins
I know what a paradox is
It’s like me telling thee
Stay drug fee and I smoking weed
Please hear my soliloquy
As I expose the woes of my soul
I suppose you know how that goes
How about the adrenaline rush and impulse?
When love breaks your heart with insults
And worse than the salt on the wounds
Is the fact your frailty got harpooned
Erroneous to say my serotonin balance
Makes to understand this as a challenge
Wait, the boom, explosion of the loose cannon
Target disparity and will stomp on it like wooly mammoth
Unifies the present, future, and past
Don’t get what I mean?
The emblem and tenses have meanings deemed
On this hour I give a path to feel empowered
That sense of strength
To pulverize the pretense
That says our problems have amends
I see Marlon
Mar-velous, on the mar-kets
Mar-tyrs while mar-chin’
Seems like my desire stays still and is pervasive
While my thoughts eradicate and scatter
God bless me with the virtue of patience
And then I will be the batter and catcher
When life throws its pitch
I will be ready to deal with whatever it is
Man’s antecedent may be his trouble
But there isn’t progression without struggle
Courtesy of Mr. Douglass
What I do is bring genuine in contrast to rubbish
My goal is only to be an inspiration to you
If I’m not that influence, than I drop the pen
And be forever thru
The deflation, the dent
Deterioration of my dream
But in the very end
I will forever be with the King
When I close my eye lids
Is when I can truly live

Of one man

My words are my culprit
My words are my sanctum
My words are my fortress
These problems, I can change them
With my thinking
My confidence suffers no shrinkage
I know I am no linguist
But my blood fuels my ink pens
All I try to be is candid
All I am is a man
With endless possibilities
And chose the road less traveled
Who is willing to accompany me?
Besides having my shadow
I have my faith, that’s my acknowledgement
My soul belongs to the King of the heavens
I carry this distinctiveness
With passions so primitive
Forever depicted with images
But light is honesty, isn’t it
The depths and the widths
Of Life, centered on ifs
From the figment of Utopias, picturesque
To the symptoms of settlement
Comfort is going for less
Be unique with an understanding
Of the need of development
For you to create a bridge
A network for the betterment
Of the inhabitants of the globe
What is to quote if it never spoke to the soul?
Never annul a dream for a reality
To not pursue can be man’s greatest fallacy
We all have a gift
But at times no engine, no drive
Remember, it’s only once we live
So don’t be stagnant with your life
There is a plan, we all got a purpose
I search for mine vividly on the inside
Never on surface
I give with no reward, no prize
Receive the silence
Maybe culminates to the calamities of my cries
I will never be alone
I keep on going
Going
Going
No matter how vulnerable
I can be
That is why my cornerstone
Is my beliefs
I grin truthfully even in sorrows
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
Truth be told
Regardless of views you hold
Love is beautiful
I think therefore I am
These are the emotions of one man

Untitled--

Back to the regular
For whatever that means
No need for binoculars
To see the unseen
Cat’s out of the bag
And it’s a damn tiger
I wanted the truth so bad
Now it’s nothing to admire
Prior to the fire that makes times dire
I had a childhood, I had innocence
Now with some type of perspective
Nothing seems to make sense
I guess all I got to do now is live
But I ask myself how
Cuz I got so many doubts
Like when a child is born
It can be addict or a whore
Or a cold killer or a thief
A billionaire or someone to teach
Whatever their curriculum is
It’s kind of odd my point of view is this
Who can offer their gift for a lift
Of spirit or anyone’s dreams?
To make one believe in doing anything
It’s more than a responsibility
It more of the will in me
We might have creative differences
But either way we must create
A way to make a difference
This is the choice that would make
The world a better place
Love is all we need
Look for its source and believe

As time slips

I’m reaching the final hour
I need help, Imma yell louder
I gotta fight, can’t be no coward
Time is slipping to the outer…
Realms
Only time will tell
If I can’t save others but myself
I will always put up that “L”
With the “A”, together with the C.A.
You only live once, there is no replay
But I simply can’t sit and wait to see
I will charge into time and faithfully
Believe that the grandfather clock
Will stop the tic and the tock
My heart beats to the hip and the hop
My blood is cleansed of the sin by the cross
But time seems to evade me
I have to struggle daily
Because what eludes me isn’t the illusion
Of becoming materialism’s new king
As a listen to the wind
Life isn’t what you envision
It’s doing something the fills in
The hole where something is missing
Once your destiny you’re fulfilling
You become whole
But time is slipping
It’s leaving my grasp
My breathing is gasp
My season has passed
No meaning to last
Unless I press for progression
Perfection of the conditions
Of the living in this system
We call life
Where pain paints the picturesque
And the rivers flow crimson
Poor, peasant, peon, proletariat
Chasing time chastises the choice of a chariot
To take me away
But I have to stay
To find my way
To win this game I play
Called Life
Slipping is the time
What is being in one’s prime?
When by being socially even is odd?
It adds up strife, and subtracts God
As I hear the souls sing
I get into the boxing ring
Lace up, and with time I box
Jab, hook, uppercut
I’m shook and in shock
Can it finally be when I’m going down?
Find the inner strength to go another round
After 12, the chime of the bell
Grandfather comes out and tells
All eyes in the middle
I’m exhausted, to the point where I might shrivel
But the might inside gives me the energy little
To see him give me the answer to my riddle
He looks onto the score card
The winner is…
suddenly everything goes dark

In the midst silence
The world erupts into violence
Time devises a plan
that defies the man
And his will for what’s righteous

Will time end up destroying me?
Quite possibly
How do I stop this monstrosity?
That is constantly haunting me
Step up, fight, and think positively

As time slips, and my ink drips
My instinct might be take some sips
And say “FUCK THIS SHIT”
But what I gotta do is just forgive
This is life, don’t be surprise what life gives
Especially as time slips

Unititled

Is that what you think I’ll ever be?
A statistic, A fiend, A criminal
So how do you deal with me?
Try to keep me at the bottom?
I will be the greatest you’ll ever see
Because I am fiery individual
Soon I will have the people with me
And they will never be forgotten

I will write for freedom
Those enslaved, yeah I see them
Those treated like a bleedin’ fetus,
People cease them, beat them, and leave them
I’m here to pick up the bits and pieces
I despise how they treat them
Like they ain’t got life
But they’re breathin’
Their lives do have meanin’
I am here to free them
To remind them there is a divine reason
To show that people can be decent
That there are angels, not just demons
I ain’t leavin’ till I am no longer needed
Not until the enemy is defeated

Is that what you think I’ll ever be?
Nothing but a waste of space?
So how do you deal with me?
Try to keep me at the bottom?
I will be the greatest you’ll ever see
Truthful, unlike your masquerade
Soon I will have the people with me
And they will never be forgotten

I’m letting you know I heard the call
If I do nothing, I don’t fulfill my purpose at all
Can’t stay silent, or live life with a pause
The sirens, violence, viruses are not the cause
But effect, because of the absence of love
Call me revolutionary, the vanguard
The insurrection
I haven’t gotten out of touch
Bring in light in the presence of dark
This is more than help, more than protection
It is more than leading the way
It is answering your questions
With the patterns of yesterday
And today comes change
So tomorrow will never be the same

Is that what you think I’ll ever be?
Someone who dreams to big, and fails?
So how do you deal with me?
Try to keep me at the bottom?
I will be the greatest you’ll ever see
In the end I will stand tall, and prevail
With continents of people with me
Screaming Victory, that is our callin’

Revolutionary can't exist without love

I don't think anyone really understands or know who I am. All I think of is helping my people. That is all what I want to do. There is nothing else. If I can't do that then there is no reason for my existence. But I do exist. I will do it. The last month I feel it even more. As I talked to my dad about my people. He reminded me that kids live in the dumps in Guatemala. My reaction was to some shed tears. It was pain. At the park where I work, a mom was telling me her hardships and I just see her love for her 5 children. That it is was drives her. She would tell how the kids love to eat ribs, but she has not bought any lately. This hurts me. This past weekend I went to two events on campus and have affected me greatly. The first was a professor from Mexico who talked about the peaceful insurrection of the Zapatistas in Chiapas. The few points I took from his discourse was power is a virus and infection. Capital is a virus and infection. I walked out of there not wanting to be healthy, I don't want to be infected by such poison. I agreed so much in his positions and mentioned about actions being verbs and not nouns. I had adopted that thinking after hearing a song by my countryman Ricardo Arjona. He also brought up an idea that if you want change, you don't wait till tomorrow, you change today. He said that the insurrection is not only in Chiapas but in anyone. What I took to heart the most was that to be a revolutionary, it is vital create a revolutionary program to be part of the vanguard. There was no doubt in my mind that I want to be part of the vanguard. The following day I went to a presentation of poems and songs in Latin America geared to revolutionary values with Che Guevara as the focal point. I felt at home. I felt that I was part of the music. I remember one song where they mentioned Martin Luther King Jr. As I read the lyrics, heard the music, I thought that my two inspirations were set together, Martin and Che. Two total opposites but nonetheless inspiring to me. I thought I was the only one who could appreciate both with roots in Latin America and flourished in the US. When I heard that and saw Martin's picture, I cried. I could not help it. As I could not help it when I thought of the kids in Guatemala. I have come to a point where I desperately want to help my people. I know what is I meant to do. Every time I heard the music, heard about my people suffering, I feel a chill in my spine as I feel when I feel a connection with God. I am moved and know that I am destined to help my people. If a person who does not have faith in God, might doubt him but I simply cannot. He is love. He always appeared to the ones who were suffering, the poor. He helped people in need. Everything I want to do. I want to be a revolutionary. What it is important is to know that revolution cannot be spelled or be done without love. To me, I believe God is love. So I cannot be a revolutionary without Him. I will be a revolutionary. I want to be it now. Not tomorrow. Revolutionary is not a noun but a verb. My dad gave me the idea to bring food, clothes and other things to the workers in the field. I don't need to travel all of Latin America to see the poverty but look around me. I will travel the world to help my people. I dream too big and like I told my dad, I don't shoot for the stars to hit the clouds, I shoot for the stars to hit them. I have my people in mind, my Latinidad, and I start to be a revolutionary today.


P.S. When I have my daughter, I have a feeling my first child will be a daughter, I will sing to song to her always: Agua, Tierra, Fuego y Viento with the voice of her father. The chorus is :

Cuando yo te abrazo no te abrazo solo,
te abraza conmigo una eternidad,
te abrazan los valles, las montañas y los vientos,
las flores del campo y el olor del pan.

Cuando yo te beso, no te beso solo,
azúcar te traigo del cañaveral.
Soy como la tierra para darte fruto,
soy de miel morena para amarte más