What do you see?

Close your eyes. What do you see? If you see nothing, just pitch black, you are like everyone else. If you see something, you are a prodigy. Believe it, if you don't, you absolutely see nothing. Close your eyes once more. If you see nothing again, I suggest you find something to live for. If you see something, what is it that you see? Is it a desire, a dream, a fantasy, or is your imagination running wild? If you see things that please yourself in any way shape or form, I suggest you find something meaningful to live for. If what you see is you serving other, you are great. Close your eyes once more. Are you great or just simply average?

A few thougths

Is it so wrong to feel much for the people? So when I want to help to such an extent where I feel hopeless, will the people be able to reciprocate the same love and authenticity that I show and truly mean. I look at myself in the mirror with no concrete identity, no sure future, and seeing that I have forgotten what I strive for, what I live for, what I find true meaning, what I am inspired by, what I am willing to die for, what I love. The self-portrait that I can paint myself is good-willed person who attempted to make an impact, all alone OR just fit comfortably in society and worry about my business. Unclear impact or guaranteed comfortableness. The uncertainty has its consequences but one is the greatest: Doubt. Doubt is the gateway for that guaranteed comfortableness. Doubt disallows potential. Doubt restrains risks. Doubt is not to be taken as a synonymous with uncertainty, it is a product. It is a product if you personally manufacture it. If there is uncertainty you have the power and decision to doubt or not. The only way you do not manufacture doubt is by having faith. So this uncertainty I have, you might have, there must be belief to be greater than imagined to be.



SHOULD I DIE BEFORE MY TIME

Should I die before my time
Give a rose to my mother
Confirm to her that she raised a great son
Acknowledge my father
Remind him of the great advices given to his son
Should I die before my time
Let it be at the rise rather than the peak

Walked through the Valley of Death
Not by myself
Many heard my words
Plenty read my words
Masses seen my works
Few knew my hurt
One knows my heart

Even in Fiasco, Travesty, Misfortune
There is an incredible will
To not fear Death
For a split-second, the world stands still
Not far from my crest
I can see myself as a martyr
That sight to take, there is nothing harder

I am a medic with a possible cure
But succeeding makes me unsure
I don’t want them to get a fix
Of hopeless hope
I am not a magician, no tricks
Reality is all I know
To Think: Failure to the tomb, Sin in the womb

Should I die before my time
To die without warning
Let me tell my world
That there will be no mourning
Let my passing be Joyous
Forget my Death
Remember all the previous breaths
Should I die before my time

Authentic and Significant

I honestly have a dream of serving people.
The people that I want to serve over other people
are those that are exploited in the Americas.
First are Latin Americans because there is that connection
since I was born in Guatemala. Second are also those minorities
in ghettos in the USA. I was never from the ghetto (although my hometown city is
probably more dangerous to live than Compton) but I still sympathize with these people.

Not only serving these people but inspiring others to help.
Inspire others to aim higher and achieve a lot more.

I am currently reading Holler if You Here Me, a book on rapper Tupac Amaru Shakur by
Michael Eric Dyson. I am speechless when it comes to Tupac. He is a genius, a poet, a fountain of reality, a renegade, a messenger, a warrior, an intellectual, an actor.
Tupac is, in my book, one of the more enlightening and brightest people in the 20th century. Many will not share that opinion because he is a rapper, of the content of his rap, and his image. People need to see Tupac as a person and his influence on rap itself and many listners. I mean his name alone has so much history that reflects his character. From a famous Inca royalty revolting against the Spanish to the Black Panthers of the '60s. My point of this mentioning of the book is Pac's drive to be "real."

I have read about and deeply influenced, as I have previously mentioned, Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Ernesto Che Guevara, and now Tupac. Those are the major ones. I also look at all aspects of the Chicano Movement, Malcolm X, Langston Hughes, the Civil Rights Movement, Nicky Cruz, Rigobero Menchu, Archbishop Romero and many more. All these influences have a common and shared aspect. All are "real."

My definition of real is to have a cause honest to one self and to fight and carry that cause and letting the whole world know what that cause is.

I want to be real.

So doing a lot of my thinking I have created a motto.

Authentic and Significant.

Authentic.
Be truthful, honest, and be yourself. Do not let anyone tell you who to be. Accept the ideas you CHOOSE to hold as your own. Using myself as an example, I will choose me being a Christian. Being a Christian I need to be aware of the depictions of Christ, secular or non-secular. As a Christian, I need to do what strengthens my belief in God, not weaken it. As a Christian, I should not lie to myself to justify an action which is out selfishness or against what I believe in. As a Christian, I do not let other currents and tides take me away from my stance. Authenticity can be applied to everything. Hold your own ideas.

Significant.
Whom ever you are, in whatever sport, creed, and as a person, be significant. Do not be average, do not do what everyone else is different. Do not stay in a comfort zone. Be significant. If I am a student I will be significant. study and do what ever it takes to accomplish my goal. In my employment, I should just do the bare minimum but maximize my effort. In any thing be outstanding, take that extra mile, keep going to your last breath.

Authentic and Significant.

There is a fear with this motto.
The fear of failure.
The fear of not being able to uphold this way of life.

I have the fear of not being able to accomplish my goal because I might simply forget it which means I am not authentic. I let outside means to believe otherwise. I have the fear that if I do whatever it take to fulfill my dream but do not, I fail once more. I fail because I am no longer significant. I gave up.

To take this as your motto, one must be fearless. If you fail, attempt again. If you stumble, get up one more time. If you fall short, find that last ounce of energy to finish it. This motto is for the fearless.

I recall Wilson's quote, "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure."

You are powerful beyond measure.
You can be authentic and signifcant.

So how serious am I about fulfilling this dream?
I am dead serious.
How am I go to succeed?
Being real.
How will I be defined once it is all done with?
Hopefully Authentic and Significant.

One Love Y'all

Don't Give Up

After a long journey...




Everyone is watching you...


It is you against the world...


In the midst of everything you are alone...


With the burden of representing a whole group...


With the burden of fulfilling something big...


Being judged in the shadow of a great...


You have one and only one desire...


So you fight for it...


You end up short...


You walk away defeated...


Do you give up?



No.


You get back up and do it again to go all the way.

2008

2008.


Another year ends.
Another begins.

As I reflect this past year I think of the highlights. Kind of like life's ESPN on Marlon. Where was my Kobe dunk, y Magic Johnson pass, my Kareem sky hook, my Pistol Pete amazing flair, my Jerry West aka Mr. Clutch moment, my Jordan greatness of the year 2008? Behind the highlights, where were the lows and disappointment of the year?
The moments we wish to forget but cannot?

I think back and the year started hard. 3 people died in my high school and one or two alumnis as well within the first 6 weeks or so. Then in February my aunt died in Rhode Island. In April my cousin in Guatemala died, mid 20's with a son. Yesterday my uncle died in Chicago.

The economy is bad and started slowly but surely. The current has economy has hit my family hard. I have felt it as well and feel my parents and extended families woes.

This year I personally left my church in need of a personal spiritual revival and in anger. I did get that revival that I sought while now view as that anger senseless.

I got a speeding ticket and had to go to court to lower the amount I had to pay.

Lakers lost in the finals.
Dodgers lost in the NLCS.
UCLA lost again in the Final Four.
Galaxy sucked.


This year I graduated High School and now attend UCSB. First family on my dad's side to go to college. First in my family in L.A.

This year I had steady jobs.

This year I turned 19 and celebrated my 20th Christmas.

This year I still have my immediate family.

This year I still have great friends.

This year I learned much more on what I want to be.

The U.S. elected a colored President.

Micheal Phelps took 8 gold medals and the Redeem Team won the gold as well.

It seems like altogether, 2008 was a bad year. I would say that. I also would not say it was one of the best years. I would say in the midst of the abyss, God was still there. He allowed my to experience everything, keep my most intimate relationships intact, to meet new people, to adapt into a new environment, keep me in health. In other words God has not left me although at times I have. When I make mistakes, He forgives me. When I fall, he gives me a hand to get back up.

I have learned there are many who has the same God as me. The only God. I also have matured to love everyone. Regardless of disagreements in creed, political views, and even sexual orientations. As a Christian I do not look down or condemn those with the views. I just do not agree with the views/opinions. Others views/opinions/thoughts still does not stop me from loving them as people, a human being, a creation of God. If you do not agree with me, I still love you. Cannot stop me from that. I learned that there are those you live lives distinct from mine. They are poor, exploited, and almost without hope. I have learned to love those more than others. I want to help them and I hope in 2009 and beyond I can.

This was my 2008.

Music is expression of self

I love music.

Honestly it is a passion of mine. It is a silent passion because I do not expose it to others like I do my other passions: the Lakers, Guatemala, and helping the poor. Everyone who gets to know me that I bleed purple and gold and I am Guatemala. I have been telling other my desire to help the poor as of lately. For the first two passions mention I run my mouth a lot, and of course I get bagged on ALL the time but it is all good. I share my passion for the poor with people who can understand deeply. So those are the passions that are pretty well known about me but music remains a passion within the limits of my heart. Now I will express my vast interest for music.

I love music because it is an expression of self. I enjoy those who talk about reality or things that relate to me. Many share that sentiment with me. I have select styles. I love Hip Hop/Rap. If I had to choose one genre and one genre only its Hip Hop/Rap. Back in my hey day, early teenage years, I would love the number one hits. Little by little I noticed that most of today's rap is crap. Even from the greatest rapper of all time: Tupac Amaru Shakur (very few songs because he is one of the must influential artists in my life and thinking). I absolutely hate songs like "Chicken Noodle Soup," or that song that goes "apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur." Songs like that is trash. There is nothing in their besides the fact that horrible MC's. They simple cannot rap. So when I listen to hip hop I focus deeply and solely on lyrics (the beat has importance but not as much as the lyrics). I look at the structure aka the rhyming patterns, how they keep on pace with the deep, metaphors, similes, words with double meanings, imagery etc. I look at as a poem. Second is how they put the lyrics on the song. If they have a unique style the flows with what they say and goes well with the beat, I enjoy the song and rapper. When it comes to lyrics top ones is Eminem, Lupe Fiasco, Nas, Talib Kweli in my opinion (those are all mainstream and lack much knowledge of underground hip hop and no lil wayne is not on the list becasue although he does have some sick lines, he misses waaaay to much before he hits). Flow, the way people rap, has to go Jay-Z, The Game, T.I. , Kanye West and I do include weezy because his flow is unique. The biggest thing for me to absolutely love a rapper is content. Lupe Fiasco and Nas take the top spots. There is no doubt. Another important aspect for which I approve rappers is their candidness and simplicity. This is Tupac and only Tupac. Straight foreword (in other words he is REAL). Others also have this quality but Tupac is in a class by himself.
My top rappers are: Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Nas, Eminem, T.I., The Game, and of course Tupac.

For other genres i really listen to is mostly anything in Spanish. I personally think Spanish is a better language than English and that is an unbiased statement. I feel that in Spanish it is so much easier to express one self. One common theme in Spanish music is love without a doubt. Maybe that is why I am romantic, but that topic can be written in another blog. My personal favorites in Spanish is Mana, hands down, but cannot forget Ricardo Montaner (the love king), Juanes, Elvis Crespo, Celia Cruz, Franco de Vita, La ley, and my fellow Guatemalan Ricardo Arjona.

So my passion for music is not just listening to but creating. I am no composer but I do play the saxophone (tenor, alto, soprano) and the flute (had some piano lessons but thats long forgotten). I can read notes. I have another dream of building a music group but I would only write the lyrics. Reasons for this position if I were to have a group is because I cannot sing, I am not proficient enough for playing intstruments, and I LOVE to write lyrics/poetry. I love to write. That is why if you are to ever read my poetry it has like a beat to it because I am heavely influence by rap. With rap, the words you use are not those that appear in the dictionary, but those use commonly. There is more freedom to create, write, and rhyme. What I am mean by words used commonly is the "cuz," the "runnin'", the "wassup." I think you understand the gist. If I could rap I would, like no doubt but I don't have the voice for it. HAHA. It is true though. So this is my passion for music.

Best Love Song without a doubt, I don't care what language you speak is "Te Amo" by Franco De Vita

Best Mana Song is hard to determine but I love "Marisposa Tracionera" "Rayando el Sol" and "En el muelle de San Blas"

Best Hip Hop song is sooooooo hard but one I think is one of the best all time is "One Mic" by Nas. Great song.

Best Tupac Song is probably "California Love" maybe because of its popularity but I love songs like "Thugs Mansion" and "Changes" Actually I think "Changes" is his best song he ever made.

Other songs I like as of now is "Let the Drummer Kick" and "Viva la Vida" Great songs.

Remember Music is expression of self and another blog using music is by my good friend Bryan Kang: http://bryankang.blogspot.com/

Dream and aspiration

Good day people! This week is finals week. People are really dreading this week. Every status on facebook is related to studying. The library is ridiculously packed. Me? I have not yet started studying. I should start that as soon I am done with this blog.


WELL. For this week I do not have a topic to talk about. So I guess I will share with my infinite amount of readers my plans for the summer. First is to work, work, work. I have a guarenteed job but its part time. That is just the beginning and of course hanging out with the friends is in my agenda for sure. The biggest thing and what I cannot wait is my trip this upcoming summer. Hopefully it can come true and I really pray to God to allow it. I have never been on a trip other than visiting family in Guatemala, a mission trip to Nicaragua, and family in Rhode Island. I have never been a tourist and this time I will be. More than a tourist I want to see the reality of the people on this trip. My trip will begin with a two-week volunteer community service in Costa Rica. I got that part almost on-lock just need to deposit some money. After that I want and I have faith I will travel through Central America. Two countries that are not on my agenda this time is Panama and Belieze. After Costa Rica, I will go to Nicaragua where the church I helped build. I have met good people in Nicaragua and I want to see what I can do. Maybe interview people on how their lives consist of, living conditions, work etc. After a couple of days I will hopefully travel to Honduras. I have no connections what-so-ever but hopefully I will find some. After Honduras, or if I do not have the opportunity to go to Honduras, After Nicaragua I will head to El Salvador. There I have connections to churches and hopefully some of Oscar Torres (watch Voces Inocentes and find out who he is). So after spending time there I will head to my native Guatemala. I will see my family but this time I really want to be a tourist. I have never seen the ruins of Peten or the lake Panajachel (Atitlan). I want to revist Antigua Guatemala, build connections with Jorge H. Lopez. After time in Guatemala I will come back home. The only major obstacle is the money. I can get the money for the 2 weeks in Costa Rica but after that I need money for food and airfares. Airfares would accumalate to about 2000 dollars. YIKES! But I put my trust in God and somehow I will get the money. Even in this economy I will find a way. I had just had the idea of if you guys would like to donate money. I will take even a penny. Everything accumalates and more than the money, the encouragement given. I thank you all the time you take to read my posts. God Bless and Good luck on your finals!!

Song: Let the Drummer Kick-Citizen Cope
Quotes: "We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope"
MLK Jr.

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he imagined, he will meet with success unexpected." Henry David Thoreau