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Is that what you think I’ll ever be?
A statistic, A fiend, A criminal
So how do you deal with me?
Try to keep me at the bottom?
I will be the greatest you’ll ever see
Because I am fiery individual
Soon I will have the people with me
And they will never be forgotten

I will write for freedom
Those enslaved, yeah I see them
Those treated like a bleedin’ fetus,
People cease them, beat them, and leave them
I’m here to pick up the bits and pieces
I despise how they treat them
Like they ain’t got life
But they’re breathin’
Their lives do have meanin’
I am here to free them
To remind them there is a divine reason
To show that people can be decent
That there are angels, not just demons
I ain’t leavin’ till I am no longer needed
Not until the enemy is defeated

Is that what you think I’ll ever be?
Nothing but a waste of space?
So how do you deal with me?
Try to keep me at the bottom?
I will be the greatest you’ll ever see
Truthful, unlike your masquerade
Soon I will have the people with me
And they will never be forgotten

I’m letting you know I heard the call
If I do nothing, I don’t fulfill my purpose at all
Can’t stay silent, or live life with a pause
The sirens, violence, viruses are not the cause
But effect, because of the absence of love
Call me revolutionary, the vanguard
The insurrection
I haven’t gotten out of touch
Bring in light in the presence of dark
This is more than help, more than protection
It is more than leading the way
It is answering your questions
With the patterns of yesterday
And today comes change
So tomorrow will never be the same

Is that what you think I’ll ever be?
Someone who dreams to big, and fails?
So how do you deal with me?
Try to keep me at the bottom?
I will be the greatest you’ll ever see
In the end I will stand tall, and prevail
With continents of people with me
Screaming Victory, that is our callin’

Revolutionary can't exist without love

I don't think anyone really understands or know who I am. All I think of is helping my people. That is all what I want to do. There is nothing else. If I can't do that then there is no reason for my existence. But I do exist. I will do it. The last month I feel it even more. As I talked to my dad about my people. He reminded me that kids live in the dumps in Guatemala. My reaction was to some shed tears. It was pain. At the park where I work, a mom was telling me her hardships and I just see her love for her 5 children. That it is was drives her. She would tell how the kids love to eat ribs, but she has not bought any lately. This hurts me. This past weekend I went to two events on campus and have affected me greatly. The first was a professor from Mexico who talked about the peaceful insurrection of the Zapatistas in Chiapas. The few points I took from his discourse was power is a virus and infection. Capital is a virus and infection. I walked out of there not wanting to be healthy, I don't want to be infected by such poison. I agreed so much in his positions and mentioned about actions being verbs and not nouns. I had adopted that thinking after hearing a song by my countryman Ricardo Arjona. He also brought up an idea that if you want change, you don't wait till tomorrow, you change today. He said that the insurrection is not only in Chiapas but in anyone. What I took to heart the most was that to be a revolutionary, it is vital create a revolutionary program to be part of the vanguard. There was no doubt in my mind that I want to be part of the vanguard. The following day I went to a presentation of poems and songs in Latin America geared to revolutionary values with Che Guevara as the focal point. I felt at home. I felt that I was part of the music. I remember one song where they mentioned Martin Luther King Jr. As I read the lyrics, heard the music, I thought that my two inspirations were set together, Martin and Che. Two total opposites but nonetheless inspiring to me. I thought I was the only one who could appreciate both with roots in Latin America and flourished in the US. When I heard that and saw Martin's picture, I cried. I could not help it. As I could not help it when I thought of the kids in Guatemala. I have come to a point where I desperately want to help my people. I know what is I meant to do. Every time I heard the music, heard about my people suffering, I feel a chill in my spine as I feel when I feel a connection with God. I am moved and know that I am destined to help my people. If a person who does not have faith in God, might doubt him but I simply cannot. He is love. He always appeared to the ones who were suffering, the poor. He helped people in need. Everything I want to do. I want to be a revolutionary. What it is important is to know that revolution cannot be spelled or be done without love. To me, I believe God is love. So I cannot be a revolutionary without Him. I will be a revolutionary. I want to be it now. Not tomorrow. Revolutionary is not a noun but a verb. My dad gave me the idea to bring food, clothes and other things to the workers in the field. I don't need to travel all of Latin America to see the poverty but look around me. I will travel the world to help my people. I dream too big and like I told my dad, I don't shoot for the stars to hit the clouds, I shoot for the stars to hit them. I have my people in mind, my Latinidad, and I start to be a revolutionary today.


P.S. When I have my daughter, I have a feeling my first child will be a daughter, I will sing to song to her always: Agua, Tierra, Fuego y Viento with the voice of her father. The chorus is :

Cuando yo te abrazo no te abrazo solo,
te abraza conmigo una eternidad,
te abrazan los valles, las montañas y los vientos,
las flores del campo y el olor del pan.

Cuando yo te beso, no te beso solo,
azúcar te traigo del cañaveral.
Soy como la tierra para darte fruto,
soy de miel morena para amarte más

2009

Before I write this post revisiting this past year I have to listen to the Lakers Championship song by Jay Rock.

One Moment Please.

So back to '09. Let me see. I think I like the ESPN thing I did last year and this is the end of the decade as well.

Moment of the Year: My family leaving the house I have ever lived for another apartment. I am not going to lie but I was quite pissed off about it. I mean after living in the same apartment since I moved to LA, basically my who life, I move into a house for like a few years and then leave. I hate this damn economy. I really do. It is frustrating because I want to help my parents too but I can't.

Player(s) of the Year: This will go out to the person I could count on this year. To be honest there is no one that jumps out. But I will give this to my parents as they both have supported me in tough times although I have clashed with them, but their love for me is as certain as the air I breathe.

Team of the Year: Idk man, it could be APT. 15, could be the Asians, could be the Cousins, but I will go with Karaoke!!! The chemistry is off the charts! I give it to them because I know I can be who I really am with great people and people with great convictions I might add. To add to this group, our last karaoke sesh of the year we posted a 100(!!!!!) on singing "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. That is truly epic.

I can't think of any more awards so I will keep on typing.
So lets see the good and the bad.

First the bad.
Dodgers lost to Phillies again in the NLCS. FUCK THE PHILLIES!!!
Donovan missed a penalty in the finals.
And can't forget that Mexico beat the US twice and now all of Mexico thinks they are better (not really).
Mentioned my move.
Picked up some habits.
Tore my meniscus.
Didn't get into the Comm major.
Still do not have a church
Economy ruined my plans on going through all Central America.
Jaderi, an 11 year old girl I knew thru rec., died.
Was told some unfavorable news at the end.
I felt I lost my ability to write as good as I once did.

The Good.
LAKERS ARE CHAMPS ONCE AGAIN!!!!!!!! KOBE!!!!!!!!
I finished my first year in college.
My family and friends still love me. They better.
Met a lot of new and cool peeps.
I touched Talib Kweli's hand at his concert.
My cousin visited me from Guatemala this summer and went to the Barcelona game. (VIVA EL MADRID!!!).


This year I have done my own thing regardless of friends, parents or anyone else. I have been more stubborn and prideful than ever before. Maybe that is why I think the negative seems to outweigh the positive. But the blessing of me being alive and have family and friends by far supersedes all the apparent bad brought onto this year.

Now the decade.
I enjoyed this decade and it coincides well with me turning 20 at the end of this year and decade. So from me being 10-19 and 10 days being 20, school has been a drag but I wouldn't give it up for all the people I met and things I have learned. These are things I keep dearly to myself. I felt like I have become an educated mind as well with wanting to be a rebel of sorts. I want to be like the man I look up to most MLK. I want to make change for the good like he did. Don't forget who his role model was. He is mine too. No matter how bad I might mess up. Lakers won 4 championships, Kobe is the best in the decade. I could make so many Laker references but all you need to know is I bleed purple and gold. Guatemala almost made the World Cup in 05 (the year of qualifiers) but MEXICO LOST TO TRINIDAD (there is a conspiracy since Mexico were cool with Trinidad and Tobago) AND TRINIDAD WENT TO THE WORLD CUP BY BEATING SORRY BAHRAIN!!! I don't think I can ever forgive the Mexican National Team. I got a car. I seen most of my cousins from Chi-Town and Rhode Island and Guatemala this decade. RIP to my cousin Daniel and my Aunt Siomara. Rip to my Mamaita and my Papa Beto. RIP to my Tio Mundo. RIP to Steven's great grandfather. RIP to Jessenia's grandpa in Mexico. Damn there is honestly to much to write and to remember and to honor during this decade so I think I will finish by saying this. The best this decade is that I have a Fire and it won't burn out. (hint: think why I would capitalize "Fire")

Conviction in every sentence

It has been kinda long
since I have been thinking of when I will be gone
but for now I have the world on my palms
so exhilarating yet I remain calm
Feeling better than if I was ever on
no need for a bong or a ganja hit
I promised my pop and my mom
That I will always remain conscious
I'm always ticking cuz I am bomb
ready to explode, never to implode
no matter if life becomes difficult
even if the feeling prolongs and I am miserable
I am destined to belong to God's miracle
I know that the river flows crimson
That is why I am on a mission
regardless of opponents and their opinions
I'm feeling like this is the best I have written
So I spark lightness in the darkest pit
Its a start for righteousness so marvelous
so just sit there and listen
My engine runs on conscience
forget the pros and the cons
Just go ahead and ponder on
what's right or wrong
remember there is no such thing as greatness
for man, cuz we don't deserve the praises
center of attention on a daily basis
Come on and lose the demeanor of racist
and appreciate the races and the faces
because the people are the oasis
on this world we hope on
to keep on with more songs
where beauty belies during dawn
and where it actually rests in the heart
yet it is not everyone brings into arms
Whatever it is, I know I am looked upon
Is it my intellectual ability?
I mean my imagination bewilders me
It more than being romantic and wanting an ideal future
that I dream of, it is to yearn and to long
for a sacrificial act, so I can soothe you
Nothing superficial, You are the one I will give the key to
I am the balance saying you can dream and don't forget the feet beneath you
I do it for people cuz they are regal
But realize those who are lethal and deceitful
The one's that want to me make to revolt
Not wanting a recount or a revote
Cuz they left those with their feet cold
I want to make them fly like eagles
As I give it all out, there is no doubt
What I am about, I think I am allowed
to say my life is tremendous
and the conviction is there in every sentence

What has become of my gift

I'm growin' cold, not yet frozen
My moment no longer is golden
My breath, like my grudge, I'm holdin'
When will I allow myself to see light?
I just don't know when
When again will I realize my words are still potent
I lost melody, life ain't harmonious
It's not like I'm owning this
This being opportunity
When can I get it's you and me
But I guess I'm selfish
Yet I know where to go when I'm helpless
But I feel like chasing dreams have no point
Like if there was no meaning to MLK's voice
I know I have a Flame that won't go out
I need help to set a wildfire and let love sprout
If this sounds stupid and senseless
Just know, like you, I've lost interest
Or is it inspiration?
I nearly forgot of that sensation
Of burning inside to keep warm and glowin'
To keep me from ever goin' frozen
Like this piece of poetry
I am feeling quite incomplete
Lack of structure and my soul suffers
An artery rupture and who is there to aid and comfort?
I don't feel like asking God
Cuz I feel like I am a fraud
It is what it is
Yet I await a spiritual lift
To accompany my once lyrical bliss
The belief of being able to touch
with this gift

Ghost

This is what I know
To you I’m nothing but a ghost
I am ignored by most
My name doesn’t bring cheers or toasts
Life just seems so slow today
I walk alone, all on my own
On this road I paved
I just disappear and vanish
How the hell do you fathom this phantom?
How does he manage
To go unnoticed?
Even by those who are the closest,
“Supposably,”
There is absolutely no one close to me
People just see thru me
I swear it’s a disease
CURE ME
Or maybe it’s me
Maybe I never reached out
Maybe I don’t know how
My sorrows howl thru the air
But who the fuck cares?
A lost soul haunted by a lonely moon
I am that flower that never bloomed
I am turning into a menace
I create my personal premise
I dig deep for the sources
Love is beautiful, and I’m too ugly for it
This is the cause of my invisibility
Or is cuz no one was real to me?

As I sit and listen to the serene silence
My life’s equation is happiness minus
The suffering, cuz life ain’t strifeless,
Add those days that shone the brightest
This is simple mathematics
Yet life is an intricate apparatus
But Hey! I walk thru showers and fires
I got this particular desire
People have said
Quit while you are ahead
Not me, I plan to go further
My life ain’t quite over
I will look back no more
I only move forward, for sure

Sorry

This love is tangled, falling for the perfect girl at the wrong time
Can’t tell if you want to be mine I just cannot see, I’m just blind
Maybe ‘cuz of my ignorance or inability to listen to you
I just sit back, grab my hair and see the future, envisioning you
But I can’t see who’s the one that’s kissing you, the one giving you
That beautiful smile that lightens you up
You're an angel, unreal to touch
And then I fall back into reality
Sorry babe you can’t count on me
To be in the picture tomorrow, but I want you today
To much thinking, a move is what I should make
Sorry for the wait, but I do love you babe
Maybe you’ll pass me up
And that’s just my luck
Please don’t pretend that I don’t exist
But I need you to comprehend that you’re a ten and I'm short of a seven
Never had you but I do miss…you


also written back in the day