Maybe

All I really yearn for is to be accepted
By my people, for my people dreams resurrected
I ain’t trying to be prophetic
I haven’t written anything in hieroglyphics
But for some reason it’s hard to get my message
My struggle ain’t worth being told, or is it?
Maybe I was meant to be alone
Maybe I don’t got a place to call home
Maybe I’m pursuing something inexistent
Maybe my view of the world is tinted
Maybe no one cares about my beliefs
Maybe you will when it becomes the death of me
It’s kind of hard to translate what I feel
My language is underlined by what’s real
I look in the eyes of my people
Look of despair makes me desperate
I woke up this morning not knowing I was a hero
To bring my community up will make me restless
Sacrificial acts are intuitive, derived from the soul
Sometimes I wish I knew something I did not know
Maybe I will remain the unsung fallen hero
Maybe I will let down those who keep hope
Maybe my dream will cease to exist
Maybe pain and sorrow will always persist
Maybe I will become a simple afterthought
Just as easy to say maybe, I say maybe not

Never Know

I grew up dreamin' of perfect livin'
With gifts wrapped and with ribbons
Wife and kids and comfortable sitting'
Now the light the illuminates is slowly dimmin'
I hate center of attention and self pity
That's why I like to keep my emotions well hidden
If I was ever given a chance
to make an advance
Girl, you'd be secure in my hands and my arms
We could dance under the stars
I rather be with you but I'm here
battling the blues with no tears
I've only got a few years of my youth
So what do I got to do to prove to you
Am I not worth it? I know I ain't perfect
Forget me deservin' anything
I'm falling off the curve, yet i'm learnin'
I've been deserted while awaiting the verdict
I'm trying to be more assertative
Tune down the curses, summon the courage
to break out my cage
I pray every single day to rid of these shackles
Death over me like those on the other side of El Paso
You know, I've never been taught how
But my hope ain't lost now
The conclusion is open ended
With the future yet to be cemented

The roads and boulevards of my thinking

The roads and boulevards of my thinking
are leading me into uncharted territories
I want to be emancipated like the slaves with Lincoln
So I can grow old freely to tell my stories
I got choices to the left and to the right
Darkness covers me, I'm losing my sight
What is the path that will lead to my legacy?
What is the path that will soon be the end of me?
Maybe it's the same one and I'm on it
I'm ill, no one told me dreaming was a chronic
disease, I want to relieve it by living my dreams
Harsh reality keeps me from being medicated, its seems
Society don't want me on top, I'll get shot down with arrows
If I motivate the hoods to dream, democracy is in peril
To get back, they set back those criminal lives
Education is the road less traveled to create critical minds
Every step you take, the history of the world you change
Your imprint forever embedded in this world of pain
Tears never shed in public, just behind closed doors
There lies the destination of what you don't know no more
Directionless, you're lost, you have no destiny
This isn't guidance to what you are meant to be
But encouragement to keep pushing for that compass
if you go outside the elites agenda, you will be punished
But its those risks you take that will alleviate
the impoverished, politics are what incarcerates
to make those profits, that world don't need no prophet
It needs actions with words, start your quest
what happens next might be war, but no worries
a warrior dies for his convictions
if you don't have any, then listen
Illuminate your road to see where it's leading
Stare in the eyes of injustice, its the people that you believe in

The Best Experience of My Life Thus Far

It's been a full week since the program started. CLOP. There is nothing like it. I have never been so humbled or so proud to be a reference and a mentor to students who needed it most. As much as I want to write on it, the experiences and the feelings are truly indescribable and genuine. One thing I would note is that these students broke me. I never cry but I cried like a chillon. I couldn't help it. As much as we motivated and instilled belief in these students, they inspired me. It allowed me to fulfill a dream of mine to inspire my people. I saw that when I see the thanks they gave me. In one of my poems I said if I never inspire, I'll stop the pen. Stop writing. Stop trying. But now I am more motivated then ever to help. There is nothing in this world that I want more. There is nothing in this world that fulfills me. This is what I meant for. I want to thank all those in my green team! Those who helped me out. I will forever be thankful to Alex for giving me the team leader position. I want to thank Fern for making the program to what it is. I want to thank my parents for raising me into the man that I am. I want to thank God for everything. They may never come across this, it doesn't matter to me. I want to thank them publicly. CLOP is the first step for me helping my people as much as I can. Like I told my team, my father told me to shoot for the stars to fall on the clouds but I told him I wasn't down with that if I shoot for the stars I'm going to hit the damn stars. Dream big to achieve big. Believe in yourself and the goals because if you don't, don't try to achieve them. Again I humbled and eternally thankful. CLOP started one week ago and the program ended on Saturday, but the essence of CLOP lasts forever. I'll never be the same again. G- what? G- SQUAD!!

One Text I recieved:
I just wanted to say THANX. This weekend was a life changing experience It made me happy because I know what ima do with my life. I want to be in Hermanos Unidos. I want to be like you guys. I hope it goes the way I want to because thats my only option going and finishing college. I hope you don't forget about me cus I could really use your advice in the future.

I will leave the student anonymous.

All love everything

It’s no longer the working man
It’s called the working fam
Where other force their hands
To do things they shouldn’t be doin’
That’s why the need for more positive influence
So they can stop the stupid things they’re choosin’
To do
So let’s proceed
It’s about you, it ain’t about me
But I will expose the exploiters
Innocence and idealism died with Tom Sawyer
So why treat people worse than the soil for?
Down with rich class, time to hoist the poor
My experiences make me delirious
What? You don’t catch my drift?
Let me run your conscience
Because you shouldn’t be steering it
I’m here to lift those in poor spirits
I’m here the shift the center to the margins
So I can clearly hear ‘em
To tell them I really do beg your pardon
I’m letting you know you shouldn’t dim the light of the comets
The people are the fuel to the progress
Forget the preposterous process of profit
At the expense of the common folk
Believe me love and respect are profitable
To get it, you got to defy logic so
To understand that this ain’t no binary
The load to let that world know is mine to carry

Realization of my Emotions

I’ve been alone in my room
Time seems to have me doomed
My motive’s motor is running on fumes
All those dreams I once pursued
My success is long over due
Star in the sky, let me get as old as you
But allow me to retain my youth
It is then I see my dependency
That will soon be the end of me
Destroying my entity
Keeping me from what I was meant to be
Reality is my fallacy
It is that scary mask on Halloween
I’m overtaken by my own pride
I’m pursue my dreams ‘til I die
Once dead, I’m going ahead and pass it on,
So the kid, who receives the dream, lives on
So everyone listen up,
I just want to see who gives a fuck
Depends on the matter, I’m giving up
But you? I never will
Not the angel I see from my window sill
You have understand I’m trapped
I want to get lost at the depths of my sight
I have no direction, I wish I had a map
if I have to use the last ounce of my might
I will achieve what I set out to do
My America, I can’t live without you
I’m at the point where these walls will crumble
I might stumble or fumble
I’m inching towards that light at the end of the tunnel
I feel the weight of the whole continent
Yet they are the ones who carry my conscience and
I’m going to break barriers
Layers, Layers, after layers
Of ignorance and arrogance
Bliss of some bullshit
A person of one country can’t be “American”
But all those who live between opposite tips
We are worth it to be livin’
This might be an ode to end Capitalism
As we know it
Realization of my emotions

This Thanksgiving

It's been a while since I have written something. Well I try to post reasons why I am thankful each year. No one probably reads this at all but I will continue to write. Quoting myself that "My goal is only to be an inspiration to you/ If I’m not that influence, than I drop the pen/And be forever thru" I feel like I can still inspire at least one person. I am confident that one person will read this and I can be the influence, that inspiration. So furthermore, I still give importance to my blog.

This year I am thankful for many things. I am thankful because I just got out of my cast yesterday!! Three months after breaking a small bone in my wrist playing soccer. Its all good tho because these kind of things make you appreciate health more and take advantage that I can do things. About a week ago a meet another chapin on the bus and he had just gotten a cast. He was with his son and asked him how long he has had it. He told me that after a month he just gotten it and he had for a month. The first part shocked me. One month with a broken bone. He had to work, continue with his daily life with a broken bone. I don't if I can do that and all I do is go to school. And then I thought he was lucky because people in extreme poverty will never have the luxury of a cast. And if he is lucky then I have to be one of the luckiest person ever. I thank God because I am covered by my Dad's health insurance. I am thankful because my Dad's job gives their employees health benefits. Things like this is worthy of being grateful. Three weeks with a cast sucks but me having a cast to help cure my broken wrist is something I am extremely thankful.

Another thing that I am extremely thankful is the opportunities I have to serve my community. I also thank God because to me that's my talent, that's my purpose. I know it. There is no doubt in my mind, body, and soul. The opportunities to serve and be part of my community have presented themselves through two orgs at school that I am in love with: Hermanos Unidos and La Escuelita. HU is the family. I went in for community service and came out with brothers I never had. To be part of the bond is so important to me. It's truly unbelievable. And I get to be with brothers to do community service? That takes it over the top. Before I did things my way. I helped my way and did what I could. I wanted to help my people. With HU that last sentence becomes to help our people. La Escuelita allows me to connect with the children I knew before hand. LE keeps me constantly connected with my community, my people. And like HU, I have met some great people in LE and already know I can count on them to be friends. It took me long enough but I finally got involved with some orgs and I still do what I love to do. And that is to help my people. And what helped me join was a little push. A little push by someone I am truly grateful for: Flavid Montoya. That's a shout out to my boy. What ever I do in both orgs is because he is the one who talked to me at the Arbor.

Continuing with my gratitude is always the same--and the values of each person/thing never diminishes but enhances. God, my family, my friends, me being Guatemalan (being Latino is a gift I think), my health, my possessions, and my heart for my people.

I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving and remember we owe something to the Native Americans because the pilgrims and the people afterwards have displaced them as they have my Mayans. I have all indigenous people in my mind because I would not be me without my indigenous blood. I am thankful that I am indigenous too!