2008.
Another year ends.
Another begins.
As I reflect this past year I think of the highlights. Kind of like life's ESPN on Marlon. Where was my Kobe dunk, y Magic Johnson pass, my Kareem sky hook, my Pistol Pete amazing flair, my Jerry West aka Mr. Clutch moment, my Jordan greatness of the year 2008? Behind the highlights, where were the lows and disappointment of the year?
The moments we wish to forget but cannot?
I think back and the year started hard. 3 people died in my high school and one or two alumnis as well within the first 6 weeks or so. Then in February my aunt died in Rhode Island. In April my cousin in Guatemala died, mid 20's with a son. Yesterday my uncle died in Chicago.
The economy is bad and started slowly but surely. The current has economy has hit my family hard. I have felt it as well and feel my parents and extended families woes.
This year I personally left my church in need of a personal spiritual revival and in anger. I did get that revival that I sought while now view as that anger senseless.
I got a speeding ticket and had to go to court to lower the amount I had to pay.
Lakers lost in the finals.
Dodgers lost in the NLCS.
UCLA lost again in the Final Four.
Galaxy sucked.
This year I graduated High School and now attend UCSB. First family on my dad's side to go to college. First in my family in L.A.
This year I had steady jobs.
This year I turned 19 and celebrated my 20th Christmas.
This year I still have my immediate family.
This year I still have great friends.
This year I learned much more on what I want to be.
The U.S. elected a colored President.
Micheal Phelps took 8 gold medals and the Redeem Team won the gold as well.
It seems like altogether, 2008 was a bad year. I would say that. I also would not say it was one of the best years. I would say in the midst of the abyss, God was still there. He allowed my to experience everything, keep my most intimate relationships intact, to meet new people, to adapt into a new environment, keep me in health. In other words God has not left me although at times I have. When I make mistakes, He forgives me. When I fall, he gives me a hand to get back up.
I have learned there are many who has the same God as me. The only God. I also have matured to love everyone. Regardless of disagreements in creed, political views, and even sexual orientations. As a Christian I do not look down or condemn those with the views. I just do not agree with the views/opinions. Others views/opinions/thoughts still does not stop me from loving them as people, a human being, a creation of God. If you do not agree with me, I still love you. Cannot stop me from that. I learned that there are those you live lives distinct from mine. They are poor, exploited, and almost without hope. I have learned to love those more than others. I want to help them and I hope in 2009 and beyond I can.
This was my 2008.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Music is expression of self
I love music.
Honestly it is a passion of mine. It is a silent passion because I do not expose it to others like I do my other passions: the Lakers, Guatemala, and helping the poor. Everyone who gets to know me that I bleed purple and gold and I am Guatemala. I have been telling other my desire to help the poor as of lately. For the first two passions mention I run my mouth a lot, and of course I get bagged on ALL the time but it is all good. I share my passion for the poor with people who can understand deeply. So those are the passions that are pretty well known about me but music remains a passion within the limits of my heart. Now I will express my vast interest for music.
I love music because it is an expression of self. I enjoy those who talk about reality or things that relate to me. Many share that sentiment with me. I have select styles. I love Hip Hop/Rap. If I had to choose one genre and one genre only its Hip Hop/Rap. Back in my hey day, early teenage years, I would love the number one hits. Little by little I noticed that most of today's rap is crap. Even from the greatest rapper of all time: Tupac Amaru Shakur (very few songs because he is one of the must influential artists in my life and thinking). I absolutely hate songs like "Chicken Noodle Soup," or that song that goes "apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur." Songs like that is trash. There is nothing in their besides the fact that horrible MC's. They simple cannot rap. So when I listen to hip hop I focus deeply and solely on lyrics (the beat has importance but not as much as the lyrics). I look at the structure aka the rhyming patterns, how they keep on pace with the deep, metaphors, similes, words with double meanings, imagery etc. I look at as a poem. Second is how they put the lyrics on the song. If they have a unique style the flows with what they say and goes well with the beat, I enjoy the song and rapper. When it comes to lyrics top ones is Eminem, Lupe Fiasco, Nas, Talib Kweli in my opinion (those are all mainstream and lack much knowledge of underground hip hop and no lil wayne is not on the list becasue although he does have some sick lines, he misses waaaay to much before he hits). Flow, the way people rap, has to go Jay-Z, The Game, T.I. , Kanye West and I do include weezy because his flow is unique. The biggest thing for me to absolutely love a rapper is content. Lupe Fiasco and Nas take the top spots. There is no doubt. Another important aspect for which I approve rappers is their candidness and simplicity. This is Tupac and only Tupac. Straight foreword (in other words he is REAL). Others also have this quality but Tupac is in a class by himself.
My top rappers are: Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Nas, Eminem, T.I., The Game, and of course Tupac.
For other genres i really listen to is mostly anything in Spanish. I personally think Spanish is a better language than English and that is an unbiased statement. I feel that in Spanish it is so much easier to express one self. One common theme in Spanish music is love without a doubt. Maybe that is why I am romantic, but that topic can be written in another blog. My personal favorites in Spanish is Mana, hands down, but cannot forget Ricardo Montaner (the love king), Juanes, Elvis Crespo, Celia Cruz, Franco de Vita, La ley, and my fellow Guatemalan Ricardo Arjona.
So my passion for music is not just listening to but creating. I am no composer but I do play the saxophone (tenor, alto, soprano) and the flute (had some piano lessons but thats long forgotten). I can read notes. I have another dream of building a music group but I would only write the lyrics. Reasons for this position if I were to have a group is because I cannot sing, I am not proficient enough for playing intstruments, and I LOVE to write lyrics/poetry. I love to write. That is why if you are to ever read my poetry it has like a beat to it because I am heavely influence by rap. With rap, the words you use are not those that appear in the dictionary, but those use commonly. There is more freedom to create, write, and rhyme. What I am mean by words used commonly is the "cuz," the "runnin'", the "wassup." I think you understand the gist. If I could rap I would, like no doubt but I don't have the voice for it. HAHA. It is true though. So this is my passion for music.
Best Love Song without a doubt, I don't care what language you speak is "Te Amo" by Franco De Vita
Best Mana Song is hard to determine but I love "Marisposa Tracionera" "Rayando el Sol" and "En el muelle de San Blas"
Best Hip Hop song is sooooooo hard but one I think is one of the best all time is "One Mic" by Nas. Great song.
Best Tupac Song is probably "California Love" maybe because of its popularity but I love songs like "Thugs Mansion" and "Changes" Actually I think "Changes" is his best song he ever made.
Other songs I like as of now is "Let the Drummer Kick" and "Viva la Vida" Great songs.
Remember Music is expression of self and another blog using music is by my good friend Bryan Kang: http://bryankang.blogspot.com/
Honestly it is a passion of mine. It is a silent passion because I do not expose it to others like I do my other passions: the Lakers, Guatemala, and helping the poor. Everyone who gets to know me that I bleed purple and gold and I am Guatemala. I have been telling other my desire to help the poor as of lately. For the first two passions mention I run my mouth a lot, and of course I get bagged on ALL the time but it is all good. I share my passion for the poor with people who can understand deeply. So those are the passions that are pretty well known about me but music remains a passion within the limits of my heart. Now I will express my vast interest for music.
I love music because it is an expression of self. I enjoy those who talk about reality or things that relate to me. Many share that sentiment with me. I have select styles. I love Hip Hop/Rap. If I had to choose one genre and one genre only its Hip Hop/Rap. Back in my hey day, early teenage years, I would love the number one hits. Little by little I noticed that most of today's rap is crap. Even from the greatest rapper of all time: Tupac Amaru Shakur (very few songs because he is one of the must influential artists in my life and thinking). I absolutely hate songs like "Chicken Noodle Soup," or that song that goes "apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur." Songs like that is trash. There is nothing in their besides the fact that horrible MC's. They simple cannot rap. So when I listen to hip hop I focus deeply and solely on lyrics (the beat has importance but not as much as the lyrics). I look at the structure aka the rhyming patterns, how they keep on pace with the deep, metaphors, similes, words with double meanings, imagery etc. I look at as a poem. Second is how they put the lyrics on the song. If they have a unique style the flows with what they say and goes well with the beat, I enjoy the song and rapper. When it comes to lyrics top ones is Eminem, Lupe Fiasco, Nas, Talib Kweli in my opinion (those are all mainstream and lack much knowledge of underground hip hop and no lil wayne is not on the list becasue although he does have some sick lines, he misses waaaay to much before he hits). Flow, the way people rap, has to go Jay-Z, The Game, T.I. , Kanye West and I do include weezy because his flow is unique. The biggest thing for me to absolutely love a rapper is content. Lupe Fiasco and Nas take the top spots. There is no doubt. Another important aspect for which I approve rappers is their candidness and simplicity. This is Tupac and only Tupac. Straight foreword (in other words he is REAL). Others also have this quality but Tupac is in a class by himself.
My top rappers are: Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Nas, Eminem, T.I., The Game, and of course Tupac.
For other genres i really listen to is mostly anything in Spanish. I personally think Spanish is a better language than English and that is an unbiased statement. I feel that in Spanish it is so much easier to express one self. One common theme in Spanish music is love without a doubt. Maybe that is why I am romantic, but that topic can be written in another blog. My personal favorites in Spanish is Mana, hands down, but cannot forget Ricardo Montaner (the love king), Juanes, Elvis Crespo, Celia Cruz, Franco de Vita, La ley, and my fellow Guatemalan Ricardo Arjona.
So my passion for music is not just listening to but creating. I am no composer but I do play the saxophone (tenor, alto, soprano) and the flute (had some piano lessons but thats long forgotten). I can read notes. I have another dream of building a music group but I would only write the lyrics. Reasons for this position if I were to have a group is because I cannot sing, I am not proficient enough for playing intstruments, and I LOVE to write lyrics/poetry. I love to write. That is why if you are to ever read my poetry it has like a beat to it because I am heavely influence by rap. With rap, the words you use are not those that appear in the dictionary, but those use commonly. There is more freedom to create, write, and rhyme. What I am mean by words used commonly is the "cuz," the "runnin'", the "wassup." I think you understand the gist. If I could rap I would, like no doubt but I don't have the voice for it. HAHA. It is true though. So this is my passion for music.
Best Love Song without a doubt, I don't care what language you speak is "Te Amo" by Franco De Vita
Best Mana Song is hard to determine but I love "Marisposa Tracionera" "Rayando el Sol" and "En el muelle de San Blas"
Best Hip Hop song is sooooooo hard but one I think is one of the best all time is "One Mic" by Nas. Great song.
Best Tupac Song is probably "California Love" maybe because of its popularity but I love songs like "Thugs Mansion" and "Changes" Actually I think "Changes" is his best song he ever made.
Other songs I like as of now is "Let the Drummer Kick" and "Viva la Vida" Great songs.
Remember Music is expression of self and another blog using music is by my good friend Bryan Kang: http://bryankang.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Dream and aspiration
Good day people! This week is finals week. People are really dreading this week. Every status on facebook is related to studying. The library is ridiculously packed. Me? I have not yet started studying. I should start that as soon I am done with this blog.
WELL. For this week I do not have a topic to talk about. So I guess I will share with my infinite amount of readers my plans for the summer. First is to work, work, work. I have a guarenteed job but its part time. That is just the beginning and of course hanging out with the friends is in my agenda for sure. The biggest thing and what I cannot wait is my trip this upcoming summer. Hopefully it can come true and I really pray to God to allow it. I have never been on a trip other than visiting family in Guatemala, a mission trip to Nicaragua, and family in Rhode Island. I have never been a tourist and this time I will be. More than a tourist I want to see the reality of the people on this trip. My trip will begin with a two-week volunteer community service in Costa Rica. I got that part almost on-lock just need to deposit some money. After that I want and I have faith I will travel through Central America. Two countries that are not on my agenda this time is Panama and Belieze. After Costa Rica, I will go to Nicaragua where the church I helped build. I have met good people in Nicaragua and I want to see what I can do. Maybe interview people on how their lives consist of, living conditions, work etc. After a couple of days I will hopefully travel to Honduras. I have no connections what-so-ever but hopefully I will find some. After Honduras, or if I do not have the opportunity to go to Honduras, After Nicaragua I will head to El Salvador. There I have connections to churches and hopefully some of Oscar Torres (watch Voces Inocentes and find out who he is). So after spending time there I will head to my native Guatemala. I will see my family but this time I really want to be a tourist. I have never seen the ruins of Peten or the lake Panajachel (Atitlan). I want to revist Antigua Guatemala, build connections with Jorge H. Lopez. After time in Guatemala I will come back home. The only major obstacle is the money. I can get the money for the 2 weeks in Costa Rica but after that I need money for food and airfares. Airfares would accumalate to about 2000 dollars. YIKES! But I put my trust in God and somehow I will get the money. Even in this economy I will find a way. I had just had the idea of if you guys would like to donate money. I will take even a penny. Everything accumalates and more than the money, the encouragement given. I thank you all the time you take to read my posts. God Bless and Good luck on your finals!!
Song: Let the Drummer Kick-Citizen Cope
Quotes: "We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope"
MLK Jr.
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he imagined, he will meet with success unexpected." Henry David Thoreau
Monday, December 8, 2008
Just some old stuff
I just wanna give a shoutout to those who had their birthday this weekend, Adri, Andrew, and Chris.
Now some poems I have written back in the day then capped with a new one hope you enjoy them
To who should i look up to?
Thru all the predicaments,
all the problems im livin with
that make my heart have sentiment
To who should i look up to?
when my love turns into hate
when my life becomes in vain
when im in the midst of my shame
To who should i look up to?
thru all my achievements,
with all i believe in
when i cant find any reason
To who should i look up to?
when i fall on my knees in the mud,
when there is no presence of love,
when i find no meaning, but...
I look up to God of hope,
the God who extends His hand,
who gives one more opportunity, one more chance
The God where my conviction stands
I look up to the God of eternity,
The God who gives a new life,
The God who gives a new sight,
The God who won my fight,
I look up to the God of love,
the God i give my problems,
the God who will solve 'em
the God, to me, is awesome
I look up to the Almighty to lift my spirit to live one more day
VOLVER ES IGUAL QUE EL AYER
EL TIEMPO NO REGRESA
TIEMPO ES UNICO
Y VOLVER ES UN SUENO QUE NUNCA SE VA A REALIZAR
TRATAMOS DE FRENAR EL TIEMPO
PERO NO PODEMOS
VOLVER ES LO IDEAL
PARA CORREGIR LOS PROBLEMAS
PERO LO QUE PASO
ESTA ESCRITO YA
Y NO LO PUEDES BORRAR
SE QUEDA AHI PARA LA ETERNIDAD
Y NADA MAS PODEMOS REFLECCIONAR
"SI NO HUBIERA..."
"SI SOLO HUBIERA..."
EL VOLVER NO EXISTE
EL AYER NO EXISTE
TENEMOS QUE VIVIR POR HOY
PORQUE MANANA TAMPOCO EXISTE
VIVIMOS EN EL INSTANTE
CON PROBLEMAS O SIN
HOY ES EL DIA
EL HOY AFECTA EL MANANA
Y EL MANANA SE CONVIERTA AL AYER
Y A VER LO QUE VAS HACER HOY
after all my gains and my losses
until now im spiritually exhausted
if u noticed u asked me what the matter?
im tired was my common answer
if u see my facial expression was serious
then its cuz inside me its serious
ive got no one to turn to for help
ive got no one just me by myself
this is my life with my problems
even God, i have forgotten
my fights and my battles
sometime its too much to handle
all the pains and hurts accumulated
how much longer can i take it?
u see a smile on my face but in my eyez
u know there is something deep inside
that bothers me and i cant let it go
so im gonna let u know
that my spirit is very low
but i still hold onto my hope
a rep is a burden, too much weight
somerwhere the devil awaits
in the midst of my difficulties
God supplies me with the courage that i need
im trying to be all i can be
many people are condescending
i put what i got to say
then im put down by a pseudo-critic
saying what i write has no merit
so imma respond this way:
anyone can write, come up with a rhyme,
jot down some lines, but how many can bring it to life?
will the diction speak to the soul?
will it feed the mind to make it grow?
myself, i have appointed
i, through knowledge im anointed
tell me again this is pointless
imma let the coin flip
will it be head or tails?
will i'll be able to prevail?
will i excel? when will it be when i last exhale?
only time will tell
I will not fail
to deliver the message
disregard every blemish
make your potential active
if need be practice, practice, practice
Fact is, stuff will happen
never give up
if you do, the doors will shut
Grandfather clock goes tick tock tickity tock tick
Time is wise, it can reminisce
It knows the future bliss
Never explicit
Presently I'm just going to watch it
Grandfather clock goes tock tick, tick tock
Hey sage how much time do I got?
Combine the ancient with the future distant
The mix between fact and fiction
So is the present real?
Or just surreal?
Time is just a mystery
That's assured like facts in history
and history, we can't really explain it
Cuz we didn't live in the past, to see each fact and claim it
Grandfather clock infinite wisdom
Teach the meaning of life's system
Grandfather clock, are you going to make me wait?
I don't have time enlighten me for my life's sake
When your hands hits twelve
Please divulge yourself
When I here that ding with the dong
Tell me before I am gone….
I'm try to find Forever
have you seen it?
I will die trying to find it
until i burn out like a phoenix.
Forever feels like a myth
somewhere lost in the abyss;
I feel like givin' in
to this blank oblivion
but Forever is calling my name
I can't give up, look how far I came
Forever feels so close but so unreacheable
I can find Forever, to me its feasible
I don't want to die alone in the midst of a multitude
If i do ever find Forever, then everyone would be induced
that nothing is impossible
overcome any obstacle
Never is never
until I find Forever
Cuando veo el azul del cielo
Pienso en mi unico deseo
que es solo decirte que te quiero
pero cada vez cuando te veo
ya no puedo
Y pierdo la unica oportunidad que tengo
si quisieras, te daria el firmamento
si pudiera, haria todo para estar contigo un momento
si solo pudiera decir lo que siento
que solo quiero darte un beso
amarte, cuidarte que estes contenta estare contento
te cumplire mil promesas
pero cuando te veo me van las fuerzas
y pienso en tu respuesta
si te dijera que te quiero
en mi corazon a un duelo
si dijeras que si o que no
y si es "no," seria un dolor sin consuelo
pero duele tambien a no decirtelo
como pudiera verte y hacerte
ver que nadie puede quererte
como yo
y no se como decirtelo
todo lo que hago
es solo buscar una oportunidad para decir "Te amo"
I try to express with words
I gave my heart to poetry
Each unit is a needle
That is constantly sewing me
Back together
I gave my heart to poetry
It is my escape
When others are condoning me
Expression of self is my safe haven
At times I feel no feeling in it
Like I have a wounded spirit
My soul is at the clinic
At my face at a grimace
There I overcome and will never finish
Walk out back into the free world
Demented and twisted world
I gave my heart to poetry
Never will give an ode to me
Maybe a haiku for people like you
In need of help
Need to be loved and accepted
Maybe an Italian sonnet
For a pretty lady, I’m on it
Maybe use my ability
For a soliloquy
To those fallen unsung heroes
Couplets, syllables, rhymes
Metaphors, similes, lines
Shakespeare to Hughes,
Shakur to Pascual
I gave my heart to poetry
My heart beats to life
Poetry
The written account
Of what I have seen, felt
Expression of Self
I gave my heart to poetry
Now some poems I have written back in the day then capped with a new one hope you enjoy them
To who should i look up to?
Thru all the predicaments,
all the problems im livin with
that make my heart have sentiment
To who should i look up to?
when my love turns into hate
when my life becomes in vain
when im in the midst of my shame
To who should i look up to?
thru all my achievements,
with all i believe in
when i cant find any reason
To who should i look up to?
when i fall on my knees in the mud,
when there is no presence of love,
when i find no meaning, but...
I look up to God of hope,
the God who extends His hand,
who gives one more opportunity, one more chance
The God where my conviction stands
I look up to the God of eternity,
The God who gives a new life,
The God who gives a new sight,
The God who won my fight,
I look up to the God of love,
the God i give my problems,
the God who will solve 'em
the God, to me, is awesome
I look up to the Almighty to lift my spirit to live one more day
VOLVER ES IGUAL QUE EL AYER
EL TIEMPO NO REGRESA
TIEMPO ES UNICO
Y VOLVER ES UN SUENO QUE NUNCA SE VA A REALIZAR
TRATAMOS DE FRENAR EL TIEMPO
PERO NO PODEMOS
VOLVER ES LO IDEAL
PARA CORREGIR LOS PROBLEMAS
PERO LO QUE PASO
ESTA ESCRITO YA
Y NO LO PUEDES BORRAR
SE QUEDA AHI PARA LA ETERNIDAD
Y NADA MAS PODEMOS REFLECCIONAR
"SI NO HUBIERA..."
"SI SOLO HUBIERA..."
EL VOLVER NO EXISTE
EL AYER NO EXISTE
TENEMOS QUE VIVIR POR HOY
PORQUE MANANA TAMPOCO EXISTE
VIVIMOS EN EL INSTANTE
CON PROBLEMAS O SIN
HOY ES EL DIA
EL HOY AFECTA EL MANANA
Y EL MANANA SE CONVIERTA AL AYER
Y A VER LO QUE VAS HACER HOY
after all my gains and my losses
until now im spiritually exhausted
if u noticed u asked me what the matter?
im tired was my common answer
if u see my facial expression was serious
then its cuz inside me its serious
ive got no one to turn to for help
ive got no one just me by myself
this is my life with my problems
even God, i have forgotten
my fights and my battles
sometime its too much to handle
all the pains and hurts accumulated
how much longer can i take it?
u see a smile on my face but in my eyez
u know there is something deep inside
that bothers me and i cant let it go
so im gonna let u know
that my spirit is very low
but i still hold onto my hope
a rep is a burden, too much weight
somerwhere the devil awaits
in the midst of my difficulties
God supplies me with the courage that i need
im trying to be all i can be
many people are condescending
i put what i got to say
then im put down by a pseudo-critic
saying what i write has no merit
so imma respond this way:
anyone can write, come up with a rhyme,
jot down some lines, but how many can bring it to life?
will the diction speak to the soul?
will it feed the mind to make it grow?
myself, i have appointed
i, through knowledge im anointed
tell me again this is pointless
imma let the coin flip
will it be head or tails?
will i'll be able to prevail?
will i excel? when will it be when i last exhale?
only time will tell
I will not fail
to deliver the message
disregard every blemish
make your potential active
if need be practice, practice, practice
Fact is, stuff will happen
never give up
if you do, the doors will shut
Grandfather clock goes tick tock tickity tock tick
Time is wise, it can reminisce
It knows the future bliss
Never explicit
Presently I'm just going to watch it
Grandfather clock goes tock tick, tick tock
Hey sage how much time do I got?
Combine the ancient with the future distant
The mix between fact and fiction
So is the present real?
Or just surreal?
Time is just a mystery
That's assured like facts in history
and history, we can't really explain it
Cuz we didn't live in the past, to see each fact and claim it
Grandfather clock infinite wisdom
Teach the meaning of life's system
Grandfather clock, are you going to make me wait?
I don't have time enlighten me for my life's sake
When your hands hits twelve
Please divulge yourself
When I here that ding with the dong
Tell me before I am gone….
I'm try to find Forever
have you seen it?
I will die trying to find it
until i burn out like a phoenix.
Forever feels like a myth
somewhere lost in the abyss;
I feel like givin' in
to this blank oblivion
but Forever is calling my name
I can't give up, look how far I came
Forever feels so close but so unreacheable
I can find Forever, to me its feasible
I don't want to die alone in the midst of a multitude
If i do ever find Forever, then everyone would be induced
that nothing is impossible
overcome any obstacle
Never is never
until I find Forever
Cuando veo el azul del cielo
Pienso en mi unico deseo
que es solo decirte que te quiero
pero cada vez cuando te veo
ya no puedo
Y pierdo la unica oportunidad que tengo
si quisieras, te daria el firmamento
si pudiera, haria todo para estar contigo un momento
si solo pudiera decir lo que siento
que solo quiero darte un beso
amarte, cuidarte que estes contenta estare contento
te cumplire mil promesas
pero cuando te veo me van las fuerzas
y pienso en tu respuesta
si te dijera que te quiero
en mi corazon a un duelo
si dijeras que si o que no
y si es "no," seria un dolor sin consuelo
pero duele tambien a no decirtelo
como pudiera verte y hacerte
ver que nadie puede quererte
como yo
y no se como decirtelo
todo lo que hago
es solo buscar una oportunidad para decir "Te amo"
I try to express with words
I gave my heart to poetry
Each unit is a needle
That is constantly sewing me
Back together
I gave my heart to poetry
It is my escape
When others are condoning me
Expression of self is my safe haven
At times I feel no feeling in it
Like I have a wounded spirit
My soul is at the clinic
At my face at a grimace
There I overcome and will never finish
Walk out back into the free world
Demented and twisted world
I gave my heart to poetry
Never will give an ode to me
Maybe a haiku for people like you
In need of help
Need to be loved and accepted
Maybe an Italian sonnet
For a pretty lady, I’m on it
Maybe use my ability
For a soliloquy
To those fallen unsung heroes
Couplets, syllables, rhymes
Metaphors, similes, lines
Shakespeare to Hughes,
Shakur to Pascual
I gave my heart to poetry
My heart beats to life
Poetry
The written account
Of what I have seen, felt
Expression of Self
I gave my heart to poetry
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
My Gratitude
I will attempt name after name the people I will thank for having a part in my life. There will people I have not talked too in a loooong time and some who might hate me--just saying maybe because only God knows.
*Ahem*
Here I go
Family:
Sara Nohemi Pascual Soto, Marlon Roberto Pascual Castellon, Vivian Natalia Pascual Soto, Dolores Soto Soto, Roberto Pascual Chavez, Anna Cienfuentes Soto, Jorge Cienfuentes, Luis Miguel Cienfuentes Soto, Jorge Daniel Cienfuentes Soto, Carlos Daniel Cienfuentes, Mario Soto Soto, Fidelia Soto Soto, Arturo Soto Soto, Jenny Soto Soto, Sammy Soto Soto, Andrea Soto Soto, Rachel Soto, Pedro Soto Soto, Dina Ruiz, Dr. Ruiz, Rebecca Nascimiento, Lily Ramirez, Efrian Ramirez, Johny Soto Soto, Siomara Pascual, Sandra Tyson, Anissa Tyson, Vanessa Tyson, Aurora "Abo" Rubio, Joey Rubio, Mayra Morales, Lorenzo Morales, Jessenia Morales, Axel Morales, Erick Morales, Janeatte Morales, Erickita Morales, Celeste Morales, Sergio Morales, Alexander Morales, Ronald Morales, Zuly Morales, Javier Morales, Melissa Morales, Argentina Morales, Reymundo Morales, Shary Rodriguez, Erick Rodriguez, Andrea Rodriguez, Charlie Rodriguez
Friends: Steven Torroledo, Edwin Menjivar, Rafael Caceres, Rolando Caceres, Adriana Moyano, Michael Alarcon, Belen Najera, Bryan Kang, Brian Hoang, Mike Ly, Caleb Chang, Jessica De Leon, Stephanie Yepez, Ryan Bishara, Brian Kennedy, Sabrina Woody, Jennifer Rieg, Daniel Hernandez, Joe Lopez, Darwin Marroquin, Diego Rodriguez, Diego Fonseca, Ruben Benitez, Virginia Mejia, Vikky Mejia, Karen De Leon, Marvin Gomez, Luis Gomez, Danny Gomez, Lupita Beltran, Ivan Pellecer, Saul Hurtado, David Hurtado, David aka Tobito aka Bobby, Diane, David Sanosa, Derek Vaikus, Farhan Khlaf, Reem H., Mario Alba, Michi Nitahara, Tamana Kaderi, Christina Cullins, Emma Williams, Marissa Quesada, Gerardo Cagigal, Colin Devine, Dmitri, Nathan Abdelsayed, Alex Owens, Alex Osinski, Kye Linnet, Jonathan Sanchez, Stacey C., Arian Razzaghi, ALonso Hernandez, Oscar Avila, Steven, Marco Toledo, Begona Guereca, Alejandra Cruz, Delmy Elias, Claudia Palencia, Yesenia Padilla, Nigel Cortez, Noe Perez, Namy, Amber Walter, Ottoniel, Johnathan Flores, Nick Jones, Nick Garcia, Andrew Kim, Ronnie Escalara, Christian Lykke, Chris Aguilar, Vincent Rodriguez, Tina Perkins, Stephanie La Torre, Saad, Travis Mckane, Ryan Mathey, Sandra and Jade from France, Javana Kizer, Aldon Mendez, Andrew Duong, Chris Duong, Nicole Garcia, Karina Garcia, Vanessa Garcia, Darlyn Rodriguez, Joyce Navarro, Cindy Pham, Savannah Bettis, Erin Twitchell, Moses Alvarez, Jasmine Mitchell, Jose Casillas, Paolo Domadel, Lawerence Domadel, Mark Gamboa, Alex Goodman, Daniel Gualatuna, Jay Jayasiri, Kyle Kwon, Andrew Moncada, Leilani M., Jake Neuwelt, Moiz Quereshi, Corey Dufek, James, Natalia Balestra, Adam from Psych, to all my co-workers, and the kids I have met in Redondo, Gardena, and IV and many many others
Other people: Ester Mejia, Garcia sister's parents, Edwin's mom and father, Rafael Caceres Sr., Mrs. Forster, Mr. Forster (not related with Mrs. F.), Mr. Buchen, Pastor Rolando Mendoza, Oscar Torres, Reverand Martin Luther King Jr., Cesar Chavez, Ernesto "Che" Guevara and others I cannot recall
and the one person I give thanks for all these people and their contributions to my life, for my life in general, and for loving me: Jesus.
To all those Jesus loves as he loves me and I sincerely thank all of you guys. I covered from Guatemala to Rhode Island, to Chicago To L.A. I covered from Pre-school to now, I covered many races and colors and people with different creeds. There are many I left out and my memory can only remember so much. Forgive me if I spelled your name wrong. To all these I am thankful. If one of these who are mentioned were missing in my life, I would be a total different person.
*Ahem*
Here I go
Family:
Sara Nohemi Pascual Soto, Marlon Roberto Pascual Castellon, Vivian Natalia Pascual Soto, Dolores Soto Soto, Roberto Pascual Chavez, Anna Cienfuentes Soto, Jorge Cienfuentes, Luis Miguel Cienfuentes Soto, Jorge Daniel Cienfuentes Soto, Carlos Daniel Cienfuentes, Mario Soto Soto, Fidelia Soto Soto, Arturo Soto Soto, Jenny Soto Soto, Sammy Soto Soto, Andrea Soto Soto, Rachel Soto, Pedro Soto Soto, Dina Ruiz, Dr. Ruiz, Rebecca Nascimiento, Lily Ramirez, Efrian Ramirez, Johny Soto Soto, Siomara Pascual, Sandra Tyson, Anissa Tyson, Vanessa Tyson, Aurora "Abo" Rubio, Joey Rubio, Mayra Morales, Lorenzo Morales, Jessenia Morales, Axel Morales, Erick Morales, Janeatte Morales, Erickita Morales, Celeste Morales, Sergio Morales, Alexander Morales, Ronald Morales, Zuly Morales, Javier Morales, Melissa Morales, Argentina Morales, Reymundo Morales, Shary Rodriguez, Erick Rodriguez, Andrea Rodriguez, Charlie Rodriguez
Friends: Steven Torroledo, Edwin Menjivar, Rafael Caceres, Rolando Caceres, Adriana Moyano, Michael Alarcon, Belen Najera, Bryan Kang, Brian Hoang, Mike Ly, Caleb Chang, Jessica De Leon, Stephanie Yepez, Ryan Bishara, Brian Kennedy, Sabrina Woody, Jennifer Rieg, Daniel Hernandez, Joe Lopez, Darwin Marroquin, Diego Rodriguez, Diego Fonseca, Ruben Benitez, Virginia Mejia, Vikky Mejia, Karen De Leon, Marvin Gomez, Luis Gomez, Danny Gomez, Lupita Beltran, Ivan Pellecer, Saul Hurtado, David Hurtado, David aka Tobito aka Bobby, Diane, David Sanosa, Derek Vaikus, Farhan Khlaf, Reem H., Mario Alba, Michi Nitahara, Tamana Kaderi, Christina Cullins, Emma Williams, Marissa Quesada, Gerardo Cagigal, Colin Devine, Dmitri, Nathan Abdelsayed, Alex Owens, Alex Osinski, Kye Linnet, Jonathan Sanchez, Stacey C., Arian Razzaghi, ALonso Hernandez, Oscar Avila, Steven, Marco Toledo, Begona Guereca, Alejandra Cruz, Delmy Elias, Claudia Palencia, Yesenia Padilla, Nigel Cortez, Noe Perez, Namy, Amber Walter, Ottoniel, Johnathan Flores, Nick Jones, Nick Garcia, Andrew Kim, Ronnie Escalara, Christian Lykke, Chris Aguilar, Vincent Rodriguez, Tina Perkins, Stephanie La Torre, Saad, Travis Mckane, Ryan Mathey, Sandra and Jade from France, Javana Kizer, Aldon Mendez, Andrew Duong, Chris Duong, Nicole Garcia, Karina Garcia, Vanessa Garcia, Darlyn Rodriguez, Joyce Navarro, Cindy Pham, Savannah Bettis, Erin Twitchell, Moses Alvarez, Jasmine Mitchell, Jose Casillas, Paolo Domadel, Lawerence Domadel, Mark Gamboa, Alex Goodman, Daniel Gualatuna, Jay Jayasiri, Kyle Kwon, Andrew Moncada, Leilani M., Jake Neuwelt, Moiz Quereshi, Corey Dufek, James, Natalia Balestra, Adam from Psych, to all my co-workers, and the kids I have met in Redondo, Gardena, and IV and many many others
Other people: Ester Mejia, Garcia sister's parents, Edwin's mom and father, Rafael Caceres Sr., Mrs. Forster, Mr. Forster (not related with Mrs. F.), Mr. Buchen, Pastor Rolando Mendoza, Oscar Torres, Reverand Martin Luther King Jr., Cesar Chavez, Ernesto "Che" Guevara and others I cannot recall
and the one person I give thanks for all these people and their contributions to my life, for my life in general, and for loving me: Jesus.
To all those Jesus loves as he loves me and I sincerely thank all of you guys. I covered from Guatemala to Rhode Island, to Chicago To L.A. I covered from Pre-school to now, I covered many races and colors and people with different creeds. There are many I left out and my memory can only remember so much. Forgive me if I spelled your name wrong. To all these I am thankful. If one of these who are mentioned were missing in my life, I would be a total different person.
Life as it is
I have decided to post a blog every Tuesday for ALL my followers. Too bad it is at best one reader and if I am really lucky a big total of 3 readers.
After putting that out, I like the title for this blog: Life as it is.
Today it was relatively normal school day, but after my classes I watched my beloved Lakers play. There were mediocre (Kobe was hot) in the first half, horrible in the beginning of the 3rd and magnificent to end the quarter and open the fourth. After that it was horrendous. The score was at one point 86-84 Pacers. The next thing I know its 101-86 Lakers advantage. Just as quickly the game was 116-115 in favor of the Pacers. Kobe comes down the court and drains a jumper just inside the arc. Clutch. 117-116. The Pacers come down the other end and end up empty. Kobe again with the ball on the left side and clanks one. He is mortal after all. Then a hectic play where the ball ends up near the basket and Troy Murphy--TROY MURPHY?! ARE YOU SERIOUS--tips in the ball which dramatically bounces and falls in once the buzzer sounded. Mr. Murphy with the heroic play. After the game I was bitter because the Lakers lost for the second time this season.
This game causes so much passion, exhilaration, anger, disgust, pleasure, enjoyment, and dissappointment. At my current moment in life the Lakers are my vain desire, my futile passion. There is no doubt I bleed purple and gold but in reality the Lakers, win or lose, do not affect my way of life, of thinking.
This past thursday it was Thanksgiving. So it is appropriate for me to give thanks, but before I do so I would like to share an experience this past prolonged weekend.
My mother had asked me to drive her to a hospital in Santa Monica, a quick trip up the 405 freeway--the freeway I hate the most. I thought my mom has asked me so many time to take her but never do so I said sure. My mother is in charge of the visitation ministry in my church and she wanted to visit Evelyn, an elderly women eroded by cancer, who was in her last moments in this world. I had planned to read a book in my car while she was up but then at last second went with my mother, my sister, and another lady from church. As I entered the room I was shooked at the person I saw. It was my first and only encounter with Evelyn. I did not talk to her and she did not know who I was. What I saw was a skeleton with thin layer of meat and muscle and wrinkly skin. Her feet were swollen and purple. She was literly skin and bones. My mother and the lady sang hyms and songs and told her that she should not worry about anything and can die in peace.
Evelyn made me realize that myself and everyone else is mortal. In each path each of us make there is an end. Once you make the end, how would you analyze your path taken? What legacy or influence did you leave the world? Was your impact positive or negative or none at all? As a young man nearing 19 years of age, I do not think enjoying my youth is partying and other activies with peers. No. Friends have their time. I think to enjoy in my robust and youthful yet limited years, is to appreciate what you have. Enjoy your parents before they are succumbed by age or maybe even, God forbid, illness such as cancer. Enjoy your siblings, if you have any, before you regret it because you embark into your own voyage. Use your talents, abilities, and assets to benefit others. Do all these today. Tomorrow is not certain. You may not be. alive tomorrow. Be the light for others today. Dr. Jorge H. Lopez stated "En vida," "In life." In life give flowers to your love ones. In life thank those who has helped you. In life is when you are able to set your pebbles to make your road, a road of excellence and charity. A road of love and helpfulness. A road in which others can follow suit and make theirs parallel to yours. A line of Kanye West's Big Brother states: "If you admire somebody, you should go 'head and tell 'em/ People never the flowers while they can still smell 'em." These lines are very true.
Remember that every endeavor possible is in your grasp, but grasp them today. Grasp your achievements in the very moment you are in. The moments in life are the opportunity to leave your legacy. The moments and steps you live is Life as it is. Maybe your current worries are the Laker's record, the financial crisis, faith in a God, social oppression, Mr. Obama's presidency, or whatever it is, these worries form your path. You define your legacy how you deal with these obstacles and your ability to overcome them. Thank God, or to whomever you wish to believe in, for the life you have. The best way to show your gratefulness is to take advantage of your life and use it to leave an impact in this world, or the world of one person for the better.
Song: Changes--Tupac
Quote: "Aut viam inveniam aut faciam"--Latin Phrase
Actual quote of the photo: http://www.worldprayers.org/frameit.cgi?/archive/prayers/meditations/our_deepest_fear_is_not.html
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
What fires me up
I am an immigrant. I am Guatemalan. I am Latino. I am an American citizen. I am from Los Angeles.
All these elements make part of my way of thinking. All these elements connect me to immigrants, legal or illegal, Latinos, from the US or Latin America, to the rights of a US citizen, and the diversity of Los Angeles.
Today after my Chicano Studies 1A class at UCSB i was fired up more than usual. We watched a short video on how people cross the border into the border. Than I heard stories that took me by surprise yet they did not. The first story was that a girl, a US citizen her whole life, was raised in Mexico. Her and her parents (her mother a citizen and her father a legal resident) wanted to go the US for a vacation. At the time she was very young. At the border the border patrol did not let them pass because the mother forgot the girls papers. This to me is understandable but what happened next disgusts me. What happened next was that her father told the border patrol agents that they had a computer and can look her up. The response of the agents was to start hitting the father while her daughter pleaded to stop and yelled why they were hurting her father. He was ended up 2 days and jail and the girl left alone in Tijuana. I dont know where the mother was, In the US already was not clear. Luckily the father had a friend in Tijuana, and the little girl stayed with her. This same girl in my class then related to us that 2 years ago during the immigrant march in L.A., her and her mother were eating lunch near macarthur park. While they were having lunch they were chanting, Si se Puede, it can be done. While chanting this a police came up to them pulled out his gun and pointed at the mother. He demanded them to stop and to shut up. The mother asked her daughter what he said, and she told her that he had said to be quiet. The mother continued the chant and the cop was about to hit her when the daughter intervened. The cop told the daughter if she was undermining his authority, and she responded yes because the system does not always work and "FUCK THE SYSTEM, FUCK THE POLICE!" The cop started hitting the girl relentlessly, although the girl tried to fight back but she couldn't. She told us that if it was not for some dead she would have been beated to death.
She ended up in the hospital for a week in a half in the state of coma.
The next story that touched me was a dude said that his mother had came to Los Angeles illegally from Colombia. She used fake papers to attend USC, got her degree and became a doctor. After all the people she saved and treated, there was a wing in the hospital named after her. One day she went to Colombia, and was denied entry back into the US because of the fake papers. She was then diagnosed with cancer and passed away this past May. The son, the guy who was telling us the story with obvious pain questioned the worth of papers to classify one illegal or legal.
After that question he stated for that same reason of papers he has not even visited his mother's grave. His father had passed away when he was young. He then told us now, because of the class's tendency in getting in touch with one's self, he started to pray again.
I think of all this.
I share their story even though I never met them. My personal story is not as drastic or tragic, but nonetheless have a story. My story, our story, does not end now but chapters are still left to be written.
If you read this you could be sympathetic regardless of creed and race. Or you could oppose me and say who-knows-what.
Personally, inside me I want to say FUCK AMERICA, but then again I cannot. This country gave me and my family to prosper. It gave me the opportunity to education, a privelege that I am currently enjoying. I cannot say that, because America is too general. Not all US citizens are like those degrading Border Patrol agents or closed-minded laws. My point is that injustice is real. The only way to fight is with love. Martin Luther King Jr. said "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light cand do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Another man I appreciate it is Ernesto Che Guevara who said the following: "If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine." The most influential person in my fight against this injustice is Jesus. I will fight with love, a comrade of Che, inorder to carry my cross.
Song: What goes around--Nas http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/What-Goes-Around-lyrics-Nas/5EEA5A2CE35D391648256B330043D915
Youtube link-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA6M7tUTfRc
Biblical Verse: We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. – 1 John 4:19-20
All these elements make part of my way of thinking. All these elements connect me to immigrants, legal or illegal, Latinos, from the US or Latin America, to the rights of a US citizen, and the diversity of Los Angeles.
Today after my Chicano Studies 1A class at UCSB i was fired up more than usual. We watched a short video on how people cross the border into the border. Than I heard stories that took me by surprise yet they did not. The first story was that a girl, a US citizen her whole life, was raised in Mexico. Her and her parents (her mother a citizen and her father a legal resident) wanted to go the US for a vacation. At the time she was very young. At the border the border patrol did not let them pass because the mother forgot the girls papers. This to me is understandable but what happened next disgusts me. What happened next was that her father told the border patrol agents that they had a computer and can look her up. The response of the agents was to start hitting the father while her daughter pleaded to stop and yelled why they were hurting her father. He was ended up 2 days and jail and the girl left alone in Tijuana. I dont know where the mother was, In the US already was not clear. Luckily the father had a friend in Tijuana, and the little girl stayed with her. This same girl in my class then related to us that 2 years ago during the immigrant march in L.A., her and her mother were eating lunch near macarthur park. While they were having lunch they were chanting, Si se Puede, it can be done. While chanting this a police came up to them pulled out his gun and pointed at the mother. He demanded them to stop and to shut up. The mother asked her daughter what he said, and she told her that he had said to be quiet. The mother continued the chant and the cop was about to hit her when the daughter intervened. The cop told the daughter if she was undermining his authority, and she responded yes because the system does not always work and "FUCK THE SYSTEM, FUCK THE POLICE!" The cop started hitting the girl relentlessly, although the girl tried to fight back but she couldn't. She told us that if it was not for some dead she would have been beated to death.
She ended up in the hospital for a week in a half in the state of coma.
The next story that touched me was a dude said that his mother had came to Los Angeles illegally from Colombia. She used fake papers to attend USC, got her degree and became a doctor. After all the people she saved and treated, there was a wing in the hospital named after her. One day she went to Colombia, and was denied entry back into the US because of the fake papers. She was then diagnosed with cancer and passed away this past May. The son, the guy who was telling us the story with obvious pain questioned the worth of papers to classify one illegal or legal.
After that question he stated for that same reason of papers he has not even visited his mother's grave. His father had passed away when he was young. He then told us now, because of the class's tendency in getting in touch with one's self, he started to pray again.
I think of all this.
I share their story even though I never met them. My personal story is not as drastic or tragic, but nonetheless have a story. My story, our story, does not end now but chapters are still left to be written.
If you read this you could be sympathetic regardless of creed and race. Or you could oppose me and say who-knows-what.
Personally, inside me I want to say FUCK AMERICA, but then again I cannot. This country gave me and my family to prosper. It gave me the opportunity to education, a privelege that I am currently enjoying. I cannot say that, because America is too general. Not all US citizens are like those degrading Border Patrol agents or closed-minded laws. My point is that injustice is real. The only way to fight is with love. Martin Luther King Jr. said "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light cand do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Another man I appreciate it is Ernesto Che Guevara who said the following: "If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine." The most influential person in my fight against this injustice is Jesus. I will fight with love, a comrade of Che, inorder to carry my cross.
Song: What goes around--Nas http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/What-Goes-Around-lyrics-Nas/5EEA5A2CE35D391648256B330043D915
Youtube link-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA6M7tUTfRc
Biblical Verse: We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. – 1 John 4:19-20
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